La obra en prosa de Quevedo

There were several benefits that parents in shared care arrangements saw for their children and some for themselves as well. These included the quality of their relationship with their children and the quality of the father‘s relationship with his children.

Fathers, for example, talked about the increased closeness of their relationship with their children as a result of shared care.

I‘m extremely close to my younger daughter and very close to my older daughter. But extremely close to my younger daughter, because she continued on with the shared care and, of course, the last couple of years the older daughter hasn‘t been here, and so it‘s just been my younger daughter and me. Just the two of us. And we‘ve grown extremely close. (Interview 37)

At the same time, a number of fathers in the interviews also talked about the greater burden of responsibility they carried as fathers with shared care and the need to be more perceptive about the needs of their children.

I‘m exhausted. ... But it‘s as good as it can be. I couldn‘t imagine any better situation unless, you know, you have a healthy, fulfilling relationship. (Interview 14)

I think it‘s quite a commitment for me having him half the time, but that ... that‘s also the good aspect of it so that‘s both. (Interview 20)

I would say I couldn‘t propose a better solution, so that would say ‗5‘ [very satisfied]. But every single day I have to work at it all the time. I mean, the guy I work with, my partner, is… he gets up at six and goes for a two or three hour run in the morning. He doesn‘t have kids, admittedly, and then he comes to work and works all day and will work ‗til eleven. I mean, I‘m busy juggling kids all day. I take five calls about my children every day and the school, their friends, their ballet, their soccer, their cricket, their whatever, so there‘s no way I could be… I could… There‘s no way I could do what I was doing before in terms of my job. (Interview 35)

I think it has imposed on me a necessity to be a much more perceptive and attentive parent, I won‘t say more confident but certainly to put more energy and thought into the person. (Interview 09)

The greater responsibility fathers carried was also noted with some relief by some mothers, in that it gave them some respite and time to pursue study and other activities, including sleep.

[One of the good things has been] that the children have had an opportunity to interact with and get to know each parent equally. That there‘s been a balance of responsibilities has been good. That I guess things for the most part in terms of financially and like physically have been shared, so that‘s been good. Yeah, it‘s ... I think it‘s been really good to have a balance of responsibility because it‘s also I guess, not fair if one parent gets lumped with everything and the parent ... the other parent gets to you know, not have that responsibility, even though they‘re equally responsible. (Interview 17)

I feel like I‘ve been spoiled in a way, that I‘m used to having time away from the kids. And I kind of feel like that isn‘t very … like, there‘s kind of a falseness in the relationship because you‘re always so good to them because you never get sick of them. ... I think having that rest from them made me appreciate them more and want to know them more and it was good and it was bad because at times now, when I‘ve always got kids here, it‘s like I just want them to go away and like I‘ll say to my daughter, please just give me a rest ‗cause I‘m so used to it and so spoiled. (Interview 18) When shared parenting works well, that‘s one of the bonuses, is that you‘ve got time to do stuff on your own, it‘s like being single with no kids again, that sort of thing, which is great. Last night they were at their dad‘s and I‘m doing silver-smithing in a studio now and I can, you know, stay there late, I can go and have dinner afterwards and come home and not cook for anyone and lie on the lounge and watch what I want on television and ...that‘s pretty good [laughing] (Interview 19)

Mothers also reflected on the improved relationship between their children and their father when there were no safety or other serious concerns, even though some of the mothers‘ relationships with the fathers were clearly not good.

Her father has to do more for her which is nice, because he was always ‗fun time daddy‘ before, he would always have the shower or the bath with her

and do the fun things. Now he has to do more of the parenting things, make lunches for her and do all those things for her, he never really had to do before, so that's good. I suppose on a separate level too, as much as it is hard on her, if I could change one thing about the whole thing it would be that, even though it's wrong, that he wasn't her father. (Interview 2)

I know that ... well I‘m sure with him too, that it makes an incredibly close relationship. (Interview 40)

I think that, like I say, they just know their father better. Like him or not like him, they‘ve gotten a chance to live with him. And my so he totally understands who his father is now. If he had been with me as much as I wanted him to be, I don‘t think he would have known him. And then therefore more accepting of who he is. (Interview 19)

While some mothers thought this had also strengthened their own relationship with their children, several mothers felt that this was at the expense of their relationship with their children.

I think I have a really good relationship with both of my children, you know we have good communication, we like ... we like spending time together, I just think we‘ve got a ... just a pretty good, normal ... I don‘t think it‘s ... I don‘t think it‘s damaged our relationship, my relationship. I mean maybe, in some ways it‘s made it stronger, because they know they don‘t take me for granted. I mean I have to say they‘re very nice ... they‘re very nice and polite to me, mainly (chuckling). Like I think maybe there‘s a bit of that, they ... they don‘t take ... they don‘t just ... I mean all kids sort of expect their mother to be a bit of a slave, but they‘re probably better on that front than maybe some kids. I know they‘re always happy, you know I sense from them that they‘re happy to be with me, when they‘re you know when they‘ve been away for a bit. (Interview 19)

I‘ll tell you what‘s really difficult about it, is when like my time with him is reduced and I mean I work fulltime, I have to, so my weekends that I have with him are quite precious but then you‘ve also got to maintain relationships with grandparents and uncles and aunties and so therefore you have to share the little time that you do have with everybody, which can sometimes be disappointing and I know that sounds awful, but it kind of makes you sometimes feel not so much like a mum anymore. Sounds weird, doesn‘t it? ... So how does it make you feel?

It just ... you just feel like a part-time parent a bit, you just don‘t feel like a mum as much as I used to, I guess. Yeah, and then you know, as I said trying to make my mum and dad feel like grandparents (laughing) because the time that they get to see him is so minimal, you know and my brother and yeah, it‘s ... it‘s difficult, definitely. (Interview 24)

While there were some downsides or costs for some parents, in the absence of safety concerns and violence, most parents seemed to be reasonably satisfied with their shared care arrangements. Even some mothers who resisted shared care were sanguine about it in hindsight.

I think the decisions that the court made were for the best, because it‘s so emotional and you‘re just fighting to win everything. And you‘re not

always thinking about what‘s best for the kids. And so I‘m glad that it ended up the way it did.

So how satisfied would you say you are with it, the way that it did end up? Well, like I said, though initially when the children were little, I was just so unhappy being away from the kids. And I felt that they needed me more. But they‘ve turned out great. ... I would have liked to have had them more.... I think it‘s good because I think fathers need to have more access to their kids. I don‘t think, you know … unless they‘re, you know, little, and I think little kids need to be around their parents or their mother more, but I think in the … at the end of the day, you know, fathers have something to offer their children. But I … I just think that even though they work more hours and they‘re more stressed out, I just think it‘s invaluable what fathers offer to children. (Interview 18)