Deep listening from the heart is one half of true com- munication. Speaking from the heart is the other half. They are like two sides of a coin. When you remember how you like to be spoken to, that helps you speak from your heart and helps the other person listen better. We have a motto at the Institute, “Communicate as you go, don’t wait ’til you blow.” I’ve become very aware that when I don’t speak my truth, and let things build up, I feel ter- rible.
A friend and co-worker tended to be irresponsible. He was in charge of warehousing and receiving. Occa- sionally he’d neglect to notify the store clerks that an important shipment had arrived. It didn’t cause a major problem so I let it go. But I still felt irritated. Not long after one of these incidents, he was supposed to run an errand for me and forgot. I felt frustrated and knew I
should talk to him but I didn’t make the time. Then we passed each other in the hallway as I was rushing to meet a deadline and he started telling me about a silly prob- lem. I got angry inside and judged him for being insensitive. Later, I felt some guilt that I hadn’t yet talked to him.
When I heard he was complaining that I didn’t have time for him, I was stunned. I had all my reasons, but suddenly they seemed flimsy. I felt disappointed and hurt. The next time I saw him, he brushed past me. I felt squashed and resentful. I went back to my desk totally numb and about to blow up. My unsaid feelings were piled up inside me. I Freeze-Framed and went back to my heart, realizing I’d done this to myself by not speak- ing with him along the way. My heart had quietly tried to tell me several times, “Please speak your truth from the heart. Use your discretion, but talk to him.”
I had to really ask myself, “Why didn’t I speak my truth?” This was only one situation out of several where I didn’t speak up. I could see it was a pattern. I was re- ceiving tremendous inner feedback from several areas in my life, creating piles of stress. Then a pile would crumble from over-stacking it on the inside. Without re- lease, depression would soon follow.
I’m not naturally aggressive or outgoing; I’m on the sensitive side and usually fairly quiet. For years one of the biggest deficits on my energy balance sheet had been my reluctance to communicate in the moment. I had a
Speak Your Truth: Honest Communication
list of reasons for not speaking my truth which seemed valid but were not. Underneath I was just scared and didn’t know why. Finally, I was determined to get to the bottom of it.
In many heart discussions with myself, I went over the reasons I found for not speaking in the moment. The list read like this: “I don’t want to offend someone,” “I don’t want to interrupt and be rude.” “They probably won’t like what I have to say or like me for saying it.” “It will just turn into an argument.” Another good one was, “No one gave me a chance to speak, so they probably weren’t interested in what I had to say.” No matter what reason I gave myself for not speaking up, I’d feel frus- trated. Then I’d tell myself, “I can handle my own feelings, no one really needs to know.” It seemed easier this way, until a pile of these unresolved feelings came crashing down on me. I had to ask myself, “Were all my reasons just coming from my ego? Could I be fooling myself?” After all, I didn’t think other people were stu- pid for speaking their truth from the heart. No, I thought they had courage.
If you find you’re not speaking the truth, access your heart for the reason. Are you just scared and don’t know why? Heart intelligence can help you overcome insecu- rities by giving you clarity and understanding. With pen and paper, you can heart-map a solution. Ask your heart for the steps to start speaking your truth. Your heart can tell you when speaking your truth would be energy-effi-
cient or not and advise you on the best timing. It can turn any deficit into an asset. The heart is not about right and wrong. The heart is like a friend who wants to help you reach understanding whether it’s with yourself or others.
Not long ago, I wanted to tell a good friend that her nonstop, rapid-fire talking irritated me. But I didn’t and she kept on doing it. I was feeling like a victim of intimi- dation. My fuse got shorter. I went to my heart and asked why I still hadn’t said anything. I had to consider, was it due to head frequencies, like fear of rejection, desire for approval or avoiding an argument? Or was it due to heart intuition telling me to be sensitive, get more clarity or wait for better timing? In being honest with myself, I saw that it was a mixture. I finally decided the most efficient thing to do was to be vulnerable and have the courage to speak my truth. I did. I spoke from the heart and we prob- ably had the best talk we’ve ever had.
Being vulnerable doesn’t have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives.
The combination of speaking my truth and deep heart listening is one of the best gifts I’ve found in life.
Speak Your Truth: Honest Communication
It’s taught me I can be myself, my whole self. What an elated feeling to finally understand something about myself that’s been like a tree limb blocking a panoramic view! When you sincerely want to know what another person has to say, you receive more power to deep heart listen, which opens wide the windows of perception. Real communication is from the heart. Deep heart listening and speaking your truth generates an exhilarating “heart talk” frequency. “Heart talk” is care in action and builds friendship. As you learn to see everyone as your friend, and not as an enemy, you release judgments. Just keep your heart open to them as you speak your truth.
There will always be people with whom you feel more resonance than others. There will also be people with whom you don’t feel any resonance at all. You can still love them without judgment. Tune into their essence. That’s one of the serious practices of self-empowerment— to be in the heart and love people, whether or not there’s a resonance. Practice sending love and care whenever irritations or judgments come up—on the bus, at work, at home, anywhere. You can learn to love anyone when you activate your heart power and go that extra mile. You don’t have to agree with them. You just build toler- ance and compassion for every type of person you meet. Christ and other great teachers had that kind of compas- sion, especially for those whom others might reject or judge. Real heart empowerment would have to be about that.