Madrid Cómico (Madrid, 1898 y 1902)

“I…do not want to appear…downright unintelligent” ~ Jenny

Another fear that is a real part of faculty resistance to online teaching, learning, and participation in the VLC, is the fear of being exposed or not knowing what you are doing. For some faculty who already are overly critical of their own teaching and feel they may lack certain knowledge about education as a discipline, being exposed among peers in online learning community discussion forums is yet another obstacle to their engagement. Jenny sums up her fears of being exposed in discussion forums:

“I can speak for myself and I will extrapolate that I think that most people probably feel the same way, do not want to appear uninformed or intolerant or judgmental or just

downright unintelligent. And so when I read different people’s perspectives on something, and then I think, ‘What is my position?’ and, ‘How would I express my position?’ and (it goes back to what I said in the first question) am I expressing myself clearly enough? If it’s in a conversation, it can be fleeting. Its interesting, I’m getting to my own psychology here, because in some respects there’s no reason why a position you take or a statement you make in a forum at any day couldn’t change the next day, or you couldn’t as a result of that conversation or discussion, shift your perspective. But sometimes I feel like, damn, these people they’re so smart or they have such good insights and there’s no way I can match that. And that’s where the daunting and frightening things come. Now on the other hand the encouraging thing is wow look at this thing that I am seeing. Gosh that model is a really great thought process and a really great way of responding. Or sometimes, ooh I don’t want to respond like that. I would not want to be expressing things like that. There’s the model that you want to follow and the model you sometimes don’t want to follow.”

It is worth noting how, at least in Jenny’s case, the exposure to peer dialogue, anxieties included, within the asynchronous padding of time and space (one can read a post but does not have to reply immediately and may consider a response in one’s own time and space) in a discussion forum allows an opportunity to reflect on one’s own perspective and move to different points of view. I will continue to discuss the implications of asynchronous discussion forums in faculty online learning throughout the findings and conclusions of this paper, but Jenny, in discussing her fears of exposure in the above excerpt, seems to be describing at the very least a significant learning moment; one that leads to a “shift in perspective”.

Christine also mentions how the VLC program has “transformed” her practice in her response to the “fear of technology” question in the online questionnaire. She says,

“Working on this project has transformed me from a reticent technology user to an advocate! I am significantly less afraid and am now curious. Even when I have a technology failure, I ask students and colleagues for help trouble-shooting and always find ways to make technology part of what we are learning, both in and out of the classroom. Using technology more in the classroom fosters ongoing conversation outside of the classroom.”

Craig says that,

“I think that there is a fear that people will appear like they don’t know what they’re doing. Right? So to continue that thinking about just technology and having to learn a new technology, well what if I don’t, I can in person I can almost control how my students see me. Online I can only somewhat control how my students see me.”

Most of the study participants reported some level of anxiety and vulnerability in online teaching and learning environments and often with technology in general. However, for some, the need to be genuine and maintain a true learner-centered approach can be transformative. Christine talks about this in her engagement with students:

“I have a commitment of meeting people where they are with the topic. So if that’s a student or a group of students that’s in front of me, I recognize I need to remain

authentic to say I have things to learn from them and they have things to learn from me so I personally approach education and any interaction I have with any human being as an exchange. And if I’m caught up in ego and fear that I don’t know how to use this

piece of technology I need to check that at the door and drop it and say teach me, show me. How are you communicating, where are you communicating, at what speed are you communicating and then I need to do my best to meet them where they are with it. So I can’t expect them to stay excited about learning if I’m forcing them to be in a 1990’s mentality of how they should receive education. I view it more as an exchange. In summary, Resistance to Technology was a significant theme and communities who are resistant to change, technology and online learning are large in number, have been active for a long time, and have a large voice. The fears most frequently mentioned by study

participants included; fear of new ways of learning, fear of new ways of teaching, fear of change

and being overwhelmed, and fear I will look like I don’t know what I’m doing. This theme is

represented in diagram 6 below by a large amplitude wave with a shorter wavelength (a shorter lived community) than the fundamental and corresponding higher frequency.