Manumisión de esclavos y escenificación de lo blanco

Shaped by what we have been told, what we have seen, and what we have learned, we each have a view that is ours alone. This assessment may not vary greatly from the perception of someone we know well or it may be all together different from someone else’s, but it will never be exactly the same in every aspect. Those of us with low self-esteem have an especially unique perspective because we base our views on the level of threat we think is present, and often we perceive events and situations as frightening and potentially dangerous to our emotional stability. We are especially reluctant to become involved in unfamiliar situations where we don’t know what is expected of us or where we might feel inadequate or out of place. Those with healthy self-esteem do not share this view; some with healthy self-esteem might view participation in a new event as exciting, others might see it as boring, still others as a waste of time, but the difference being that those with healthy self-esteem would not likely be frightened by the situa-tion. Rather they base their decisions or opinions on what they want, what they like, and what they think or believe, whereas people with LSE base their decisions on fear of failure, fear of rejection or feelings of devastation, and fear of other present or future negative consequences.

Thus:

z If Harry is asked to attend a party, his response will largely depend on how he feels about himself. If Harry has healthy self-esteem, he will choose to go or not go based on whether he is busy, whether he is tired or feeling energetic, whether he wants to be with those who will likely be at the party, and whether or not he likes parties. If Harry has moderate to severe LSE, however, he will make his choice on how anxious he will be beforehand and how threatened he thinks he will feel once he gets there.

z If Tom’s boss chews him out for coming late to work too often, Tom may over-react defensively if he has low self-esteem. Feeling that the boss is telling him he is a “bad” person, Tom may make excuses, blame others, and even lie about com-ing late. Devastated by the reprimand, Tom may also remain quiet and begin telling himself that the boss just doesn’t like him or that his job is in jeopardy.

Later he may become very depressed. If Tom has healthy self-esteem and is an hon-est person, he will just admit that it’s true and tell his boss that he will do better.

He won’t make the situation bigger than it is, he won’t try to find fault with the boss, and he won’t try to rationalize that his tardiness shouldn’t matter.

z If Annie is asked to go bowling with her coworkers, her response will depend on how threatening she thinks the experience may be. If she has bowled before and thinks she is an above-average bowler, she will be more likely to go than if she thinks she is average or below and concludes that she will embarrass herself.

Similarly, if Annie remembers previous occasions when she joined in with her coworkers and felt she didn’t fit in, she is likely to be very anxious and find an excuse to refuse the invitation.

z When offered a promotion, Kimberly becomes nervous and fearful that she will not be up to the task—that she doesn’t have the skills necessary to do the job she’s being offered. She tells herself that she is better off at her present job, even though the pay isn’t very good, because people see her as successful there; she con-cludes that if she takes the new job she may not be able to do what’s expected and people will then see her as a failure.

Concentrate now on your own past feelings, thinking, and behavior as it applies to the kind of examples above. Remember, the purpose of these exercises is not to force you to dwell upon past failures, but to help you learn to recognize when you are irra-tionally letting your LSE control and negatively affect the rest of your life.

2K-1. When and where have you let your fears control your decisions? Describe one such situation. How did you feel afterwards? Were you upset that you didn’t do what you really wanted to?

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2K-2. Look now to see how you could have reacted differently. What other choices might you have made? What would you try to do differently today?

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2K-3. Can you think of times when you were not able to accept a compliment, when your mind immediately read into the kind words of others some ulterior motive or where you completely twisted the compliment and felt bad as a result? Try not to feel embarrassed—these behaviors are typical of people who suffer from low self-esteem and are not a condemnation of you as a person. Give two to three examples here.

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2K-4. Write down three things you could immediately say to a person who compliments you, Then think of three things you could say to yourself about the compliment.

Then, memorize these statements so you will be prepared to use these phrases in response to a compliment. For instance, you might say to the other person, “What a nice compliment. Thank you” or “Thank you. I appreciate your kind words” or

“Thanks, I like my new hair cut too.” Afterwards you could say to yourself. “My hair must look pretty good. Others seem to like it” or “I guess my speech (solo, new recipe, report) was pretty good. Several people have taken he time to tell me they

liked it.” Don’t allow yourself to say negative things to yourself that haven’t been stated. For instance, don’t say, “I don’t think they liked my dinner” unless they say so or refuse to eat it. Don’t tell yourself that your speech wasn’t good, if the only comments you have received have been positive. Don’t make up negative things that aren’t based on truth, fact, or history.

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2K-5. Have you ever felt that people were watching you more than they did others, that when people are laughing, they must be laughing at you, or that they are overly negatively focused on you? If so, write down one or more incidents that you remember. Did you at some later time realize that these people probably weren’t that aware of you? Write about that awareness as well.

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2K-6. People are generally not nearly as aware of our presence as we think they are.

People with LSE are often fearful of eating alone in a restaurant because they are sure that everyone is watching them and thinking that they don’t have friends to go to dinner with. The truth is that most people in a restaurant are focused on themselves and their companions. Write down three or four statements that you could tell yourself when you become fearful that others are watching or

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2K-7. Do you recollect times that you have overreacted due to your low self-esteem?

Write down what you remember doing; when you remember figuring out that you had overreacted; and what, if anything, you did about it (apologized, avoided the person for a time, etc.).

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