mediante la cual se modificó la cláusula tercera de los estatutos.—Lic

Sharing a virtue, hobby, interest, spiritual perspective, background, or alma matter can be the decisive factor when it comes to negotia- tions, especially three-way negotiations in which you are courting, or being courted by, two other organizations or individuals.

There’s almost nothing that compares to sharing something special with somebody else. We’ve all experienced this: You meet somebody and then, after some conversation, you discover that the two of you went to the same elementary school, share the same, rarified taste in music, stayed at the same hotel in Madrid, or enjoy a passion for mountain biking. The more exotic the connection or the more significant the shared experience, the stronger and more lasting the bond. I know that when I meet another pilot, there’s an instant relationship. We share something that was very difficult to achieve and brings us a lot of happiness. I know that in a room of fifty people, if there’s one other pilot, that’s the person I’m going to connect to.

From their first moments as social creatures, kids immediately start to figure out what, if anything, they have in common with

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other kids. Then they learn that they both play with Matchbox cars or American Girl dolls; or maybe they share a fascination with The

Phantom Tollbooth, like playing Frisbee, or delight in chocolate

cake. Or maybe they both have pet rabbits. Or even just the same first name. Their passions are as strong as those of adults, and when children make a connection that involves something that they like, this connection drives their relationship, sometimes to the exclusion of other children. The circle of friends is narrowed to those kids who share whatever it is that fascinates them. This glue is easy to underestimate, especially since children often forget why it is that they developed such a solid relationship.

As with many things that kids do, the adult way is a little more complex and has some pitfalls. But first, another few words about how to make use of this strategy. It pays to research the hobbies of your negotiating partners. Find out what they like. Even if you don’t share all the same interests, there probably will be some over- lap of experiences in any group you might assemble at random, so you’ll have something to talk about other than business. If your boss or new office mates like competitive chess, well, then the more you know about chess the more you’ll be able to talk about it and consequently improve your relationship.

It’s especially helpful to get to know something about your negotiating counterpart’s special interests when he’s into something obscure or esoteric. If he plays golf, he’ll easily have potential busi- ness partners inviting him to the links on a nice day. You can be one of those extending an invitation, and you won’t stand out. But what if you learn that in addition to golf, he’s also an expert on butterfly migration. Do a little research of your own on the subject and then ask some intelligent questions; perhaps even suggest a visit to a traveling butterfly exhibit when it comes to town. I would bet he’ll be delighted to find someone with an interest in his hobby, and that common ground could well become the basis for a friend-

And you might find yourself with a new and fascinating hobby as a side benefit.

The more links you have between you and the person with whom you’re negotiating, the greater the chance that something positive will result. And these connections will give you a stronger relationship than others who are involved in the negotiations may have.

Sharing something in common with the other side is more of a broad strategic measure than a negotiating tactic. This is something you should always do when you encounter new people who you need to deal with on several levels: Develop some kind of personal bond or relationship that goes beyond the give-and-take of negotia- tions. That way, they won’t view you simply as someone who wants to get something from them, someone they deal with only because they must. They will view you as a whole person, and you will see them more completely, too.

But—and here’s that warning—whenever a business relation- ship develops into a personal relationship there’s the risk of a falling out, as can happen when people jump to the conclusion that they’ve got a lot of things in common and then, over time, discover a con- flict over this or that particular issue. Unlike children, who some- times rush to declare someone their new best friend, only to feud, declare the person an enemy for a short time, and then make up, adult friendships are far less flexible. Because you will need to con- tinue to work alongside certain people for business, you will always need to keep a certain businesslike detachment. You can share inter- ests—even passions—but keep yourself from going overboard.

Remember, Martha Stewart thought she had a close friendship with her stockbroker, and she thought that friendship meant that she was entitled to insider information about the stock she owned. She even remarked to another friend, ‘‘Isn’t it nice to have stock-

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brokers who will tell you these things!’’ But it turned out that it wasn’t that nice for either of them; they both ended up with identi- cal sentences of five months in prison and five months of house arrest. So share your interests, share your passions, develop your relationship . . . as far as ethics, good business sense, and the law will allow.