Mercado meta

The natural cycle of belief change can be likened to the changing of the seasons. A new belief is like a seed that becomes planted in the Spring. The seed grows into the Summer where it matures, becomes strong and takes root.

During the process of its growth, the seed must at times compete for survival with other plants or weeds that may already be growing in the garden. To successfully accomplish this, the new seed may require the assistance of the gardener in order to help fertilize it or provide protection from the weeds.

Like crops in the Autumn, the belief eventually serves its purpose, and begins to become outdated and wither. The 'fruits' of the belief, however, (the positive intentions and purposes behind it) are retained or ^harvested', and sepa-rated from the parts that are no longer necessary. Finally, in the Winter, the parts of the belief which are no longer needed are let go of and fade away, allowing the cycle to begin again.

As we prepare for the different stages in our lives or careers, we repeat this cycle many times: (a) We begin by 'wanting to believe' that we will be able to manage the new challenge successfully and resourcefully. As we enter that stage of life and learn the lessons that we need in order to manage, we (b) become 'open to believe' that we may, in fact, have the capabilities to be successful and resourceful. As our capabilities become confirmed, we (c) become confident in our 'belief that we are successful and resourceful and that what we are doing is right for us now.

Sometimes our new conviction comes in conflict with existing limiting beliefs that contradict the new generaliza-tion or judgment we are attempting to establish. Frequently, these interfering beliefs are generalizations that have served to support or protect us at some time in the past, by establishing limits and priorities perceived as necessary for

INTERNAL STATES AND NATURAL BELIEF CHANGE 179

safety or survival at that time in our lives. As we recognize that we are passing that stage of life or work, we begin to become (d) 'open to doubt' that the boundaries and decisions associated with that stage are really what is most important, priorital or 'true' for us anymore.

When we are able to move on to the next stage in our lives or careers, we can look back and see that what used to be important and true for us is no longer the case. We can recognize that we (e) 'used to believe' that we were a certain way and that certain things were important. We can also retain the beliefs and capabilities that will help us in our current phase, but we realize that our values, priorities and beliefs are now different.

All one needs to do is to reflect upon the cycles of change that one has gone through since childhood, adolescence, and the stages of adulthood, to find many examples of this cycle.

As we enter and pass through relationships, jobs, friend-ships, partnerfriend-ships, etc., we develop beliefs and values which serve us, and let them go again as we transition to a new part of our life's path.

The fundamental steps of this cycle include:

1. Wanting to Believe

Wanting to believe' has to do with our expectations and our motivations for establishing a new belief When we 'want to believe' something, it is usually because we think that the new belief will produce positive consequences in our lives. Wanting to believe' something also involves the acknowledgment that we do not yet *believe' it - the new belief has not yet passed our 'reality strategy* or the 'criterial equivalences' necessary for us to know that we have incorpo-rated fully into our current model of the world.

180 SLEIGHT OF MOUTH

2. Becoming Open to Believe

Becoming 'open to believe' is an exciting and generative experience, typically accompanied by a sense of freedom and exploration. When we are 'open to believe', we are not yet convinced that the new belief is completely valid. Rather, we are gathering and weighing evidence which could support the belief. Being open to believe involves being fully immersed in the outcome frame, the feedback frame and the 'as if frame.

We know that we do not believe it yet, but think, "Maybe it is possible." "It could be." "What would my life be like if I did take on this new belief?" "What would I have to see, hear or feel to become convinced that the new belief is valid and useful?"

3. Currently Believing

The generalizations that we 'currently believe' make up our ongoing belief system. When we believe something (whether it is positive or negative; empowering or limiting), we fully commit to that belief as our current "reality." We congruently act "as if" that belief were true for us. It is at this point that the belief begins to take on the "self-fulfilling"

properties associated with believing something (as in the 'placebo effect'). When we fully believe something, there are no questions or doubts in our minds.

Frequently, when we first attempt to take on a new belief, it comes into conflict with existing beliefs. A child who wants to believe, "I am able to ride a bicycle," must often contend with previous generalizations derived from the experience of falling down on many previous attempts. Similarly, a child who wants to believe, "It is safe for me to cross the street on my own," may first have to address and let go of the belief that his or her parents have established previously that, "You cannot cross the street by yourself, without an adult to help you."

INTERNAL STATES AND NATURAL BELIEF CHANGE 181

It is not uncommon for such conflicting beliefs to arise as we begin to seriously consider believing in something new or different. Thus, the attempt to fully take on a new belief can frequently trigger or bring out conflicts and resistance with respect to other beliefs that have already been established as part of our existing belief system.

4. Becoming Open to Doubt

In order to reevaluate and let go of existing beliefs that are interfering with the establishment of a new belief, we must become 'open to doubt' the existing belief The experience of being open to doubt is the complement of being open to believe. Rather than thinking that some new belief might be true, when we are 'open to doubt' we are open to consider that some belief that we have been holding onto for a long time might not be the case. We think, "Maybe it is not valid, or no longer valid." "Perhaps it is not so important or necessary to believe it." "I have changed my belief about other things before." "What counter examples do I have that might call this old belief into question?" "If I view it from a larger perspective, what other possibilities do I become aware of?" "What is the positive purpose that this belief has served, and are there other ways to achieve that positive intention that are less limiting and more enriching?"

Becoming open to doubt typically involves refraining be-liefs formulated in terms of the problem frame or failure frame so that they may be put back into an outcome frame or feedback frame. Sleight of Mouth patterns provide powerful verbal tools to help us reframe and become open to doubt existing, interfering belieis.

182 SLEIGHT OF MOUTH

5. The 'Museum of Personal History' - Remembering What We 'Used to'Believe

When we stop believing something, we do not usually develop amnesia for the belief, or forget that we used to believe it. Rather, the emotional and psychological affect that the belief produces within us changes dramatically. We remember that we "used to" believe it, but know that it no longer has any meaningful influence on our thoughts or behavior — it no longer fits our criteria for "reality."

When we truly change a belief, we no longer need to exert any effort to deny or suppress the belief. Our relationship to it is more like the experience we have of seeing historical items in a museum. When we see Medieval weapons and torture instruments in a glass case at a museum, we are curious and reflective; not frightened, angry or disgusted.

We know that people once used these weapons, but that we have gone beyond that now. In fact, it is important to remember the mistakes and limiting beliefs of our ancestors, so that we do not repeat them.

A similar experience happens with respect to our own discarded beliefs. We know that we 'used to believe' them, but now no longer believe them. The belief in Santa Claus is a classic example of this experience. Most adults (in cultures that celebrate Christmas) remember that, as children, they believed that the character ''Santa Claus" lived at the North Pole and would ride through the sky on a magic sled to deliver gifts to children all over the world on Christmas Eve.

When a person no longer believes in Santa Claus, he or she does not need to angrily and vehemently deny the existence of the fictitious character. Rather, one can look back on it nostalgically, and remember the positive intention of the belief to create the sense of magic and excitement.

Similarly, this is the way we recall other beliefs that we have let go of. We can remember them and think, "I used to believe that I (could not ride a bicycle, could not cross the street on my

INTERNAL STATES AND NATURAL BELIEF CHANGE 183

own, was not capable of establishing a healthy pattern of behavior, did not deserve to succeed, etc.), but I no longer beheve it. It is no longer part of my reality. I have other ways to satisfy the positive intention and purpose of the old belief."

6. Trust

In many ways, trust is the cornerstone of the natural process of belief change. Merriam Webster's Dictionary defines trust as "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something." Thus, trust is characterized by confidence or belief in "something future or contingent." People trust, for instance, that a person will "be true to his word," or that "things will turn out for the best."

Emotionally, trust is related to hope. Hope is a function of our belief that something is possible. A person who has hope that he or she will recover from a serious illness, must believe that such a recovery is possible. The feeling of trust, however, is often stronger than hope. It has to do with the expectation that something will happen, rather than simply the belief that it could happen.

Trust, in fact, is often something we must rely on when we have no proof. In this sense, trust extends beyond belief (to the level of identity or even spiritual experience). In the natural cycle of belief change, "trust" is typified by a stale that allows us to go beyond our beliefs; to the state from which our beliefs are formed.

The experience in 'trusting* in something that is beyond one's beliefs, or trusting in a larger system than oneself, can help to make the process of belief change smoother, more comfortable, and more ecological.

When they are used effectively, Sleight of Mouth patterns serve as verbal tools which help to support this natural cycle of belief change; leading people to become open to believe new and empowering beliefs, and open to doubt those beliefs and generalizations which limit them.