Mortalidad general por grandes causas

Now that you have your ex begging to be back with you, you may think it’s all over . Game, set and match, right?

Not exactly.

If you fall into this trap of thinking, get complacent and lazy you’ll end up losing him all over again . Once you have him excited about the relationship again, this is the precise time to be more affectionate, more fun, and invest in yourself more than ever before . Remember all that stuff we said about building up your life again?

Now you have to maintain it!

So Rule No . 1 is to continue to invest in all of those things that made him attracted to you again . That means your social life, your passions and hobbies, your career and your own independence . All these things are going to make him see you as someone who is happy and fulfilled, and will make him want to stay a part of your exciting world .

One of the joys of relationships is the constant feeling of discovery, the idea that the person you love has unknown dimensions that you have yet to see . The sad part is that most people think this period must be short-lived in those heady first six months of a relationship when you feel smitten and intoxicated with this new partner you have in your life . But the best relationships I’ve seen in all my years of coaching have two partners who are committed to CONSTANT GROWTH and CONSTANT DISCOVERY . Because they are both growing and changing all the time, they always have something new to learn about each other . Moreover, because they are constantly curious, they always want to learn and invest more in understanding each other’s unique dimensions . Many of the best couples grow and discover together . If you do this with your partner, whether it be

through learning, travelling, playing and seeking new experiences together, your fascination with each other will never end .

Rule No . 2 is to keep creating DESIRE as well as love . You can do this by being more sexually exciting and physically suggestive . Wear the matching underwear . Tell him how much you can’t wait to get him home . Or how sexy his shirt is tonight . Touch his leg under the table during dinner . This all sounds small and silly, but you should be acting like a brand new couple again . You should feel physically excited by each other and enjoy seducing one another . Show that you care about each other’s pleasure and never be complacent with the physical or adventurous side of the relationship . The more you prioritise pleasure (both physical and emotional) together, the more you’ll trigger the Dopamine Response in his brain that will make him feel more happiness for being in the relationship and being closer to you .

Also make sure to show desire to learn about each other again . Get excited by each other’s world and invest in getting to know a part of him that you previously never embraced or took for granted .

Rule No . 3 is to SHIFT GEARS GENTLY . In other words, DON’T RUSH back to the level of comfort you were at before . Just allow things to move forward gradually and don’t force him into any grand proclamations of everlasting love . This will come in time (and if it doesn’t, that’s a whole separate problem about his commitment issues and something that may indicate you’re both operating on different life plans and not suitable to be together long-term) . But for the first month or two, just relax and let things move at their own pace . You need to allow time and space to see yourselves as a couple again and let the relationship go down a different path this time around, instead of going straight back to the same dynamic as before . If it feels a little different now, that

can be a healthy sign that you’ve both grown and changed from the people you were before, and shows potential for you having a better relationship than before .

Rule No . 4 is to KEEP DEFINING STANDARDS . You might be tempted because you feel so grateful for having him back to suddenly acquiesce to anything he wants or feel that you have to tolerate any bad behaviour he chooses to exhibit . This is the DUMBEST thing you can do . The more timid and afraid you are of breaking up again, the more he’s going to sense that and either lose attraction or he’ll just think that he doesn’t have to take any responsibility for what went wrong in your relationship the first time . The bottom line is:

it might be difficult to have those conversations in which you tell him what you need from the relationship, but it’s much worse to live in a dynamic that makes you unhappy or dissatisfied . Speak up for what you need and what behaviours he needs to change for you to be happy in the future of the relationship .

Remember, YOU call the shots in this . The relationship has to work for both of you . And if it starts to feel like a game of each of you trying to get more of their needs met by the other with nothing in return, this isn’t the relationship for you . He should want to be the man who can listen to your needs for affection, love, and commitment and meet them by investing in the relationship . If he doesn’t want to, you have the tools to now be satisfied with or without him, and you can move on with complete confidence in your ability to attract someone else into your life who can meet your needs .

The final rule is to CREATE A COMPELLING VISION for the future of the relationship . While it’s important to assess what went wrong previously and work on changing those habits, the best couples are able to be excited about a future that they build together

and which they both can’t wait to move towards . Talk about fun trips you’re going to take and aspirations for what you both want to achieve together as a team . The more exciting this future feels the more you’re going to both want to build it for each other . So while it’s important to salvage the relationship and work on problems that need fixing, make sure you also have a vision for it moving forward .

That’s the end of the main programme, thank you so much for taking the time to read this and join me for this process - I’ve become so passionate about this area because I know how breakups have the capacity to become the worst, most painful moment in our love lives, and I couldn’t bear the idea of people no longer having any control over their future after such a traumatic experience as losing someone you love .

I’ve never been shy of getting my hands dirty and dealing with people’s worst problems while coaching, and I knew that taking on the challenge of break ups was essential if I was going to do justice to my ambition to always be willing to confront the worst hardships people go through in their quest for love .

During a break-up we all need someone to remind us we can survive that painful period and come out as a better person for not only having endured, but thrived in this difficult time . I know I would have never survived some of my worst relationship breakdowns without people around me who could inspire, encourage and provide a helping hand to pull me back on my feet and set me running again . I also hope you realise now that even the worst parts of our love lives can be one of the greatest teachers and can inspire some of our most heroic acts of strength and change .

I truly appreciate you allowing me to be your mentor and guide through the raw and vulnerable business of healing after enduring the post break-up wound . If you ever need anything, or want to join me in person on my life-changing retreat program, I’d love to meet you in person and be a part of your journey (www .howtogettheguy . com/retreat) . It’s one thing to change people’s lives from a distance, but there’s nothing I love more than meeting the people I coach and reach new heights together . Wherever you choose to continue, I wish you well in all your endeavours and encourage you to keep living and loving big!

Wherever you might have chosen to hide during this break-up, I’m here to tell you: the world is waiting for your return…

Welcome back :)

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