ORGANO EJECUTIVO

This is one topic in Sacred Sex that, for many people, is controversial and is therefore conveniently ignored by almost all of the modern Tantric and Taoist lit- erature. This is not surprising since modern social conventions, both in the East and the West, view monogamous relationships as the ideal. The sanctions for breaking this convention range from little or none in, say, San Francisco or Paris to extremely severe in some conservative cultures. Yet, according to research by Relate (the UK-based marriage counselling service), 32 per cent of men and 24 per cent of women admit to having an affair. I suspect that there are very few 137 Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex

married or committed couples that have not had to deal with some sort of exter- nal attraction over the years.

One of the things that struck me when studying the ancient Tantric and Taoist material was how little emphasis was placed on ‘couples’ and ‘relationship’. In fact, just the opposite appears to be the case. There are many stories of emper- ors and princes, dakinis and adepts, all of whom had numerous partners and learned the skills of Sacred Sex through encounters with multiple trained and skilled practitioners. If nothing else, the carvings on the Kamakhya Temple in India leave the viewer in little doubt as to what went on there. But these stories and histories are about a different time and age and undoubtedly refer to the activities of a very small portion of the overall population.

So is Sacred Sex something that is practised only in a committed, monoga- mous, relationship? Can it involve multiple partners? If so, what does this look like? This book doesn’t attempt to provide any answers to these questions, but what it can do is give you some food for thought and discussion based upon con- clusions from our (and others’) practical experiences. Here are some things we’ve discovered:

• If you’re uptight or scared about acknowledging sexual attraction out- side your relationship it often makes things worse. If you can accept that it happens and talk about it with your partner, not only does the attraction often disappear or mellow out, but the Sexual Qi in your relationship can increase as a result. Many people find that knowing that their partner is sexy and attractive to other people is actually a bit of a turn-on. However this requires trust, honesty and communication amongst all parties.

• It’s quite normal to feel sexual energy with other people from time to time, especially when you work closely together with someone. If you can be open and honest about it, and at the same time agree clear boundaries with everyone concerned, there’s a much better chance that the whole situation will turn out for the best. It is possible to be sexu- ally attracted to someone and not have to jump into bed with them, of course. What is interesting, however, is to learn how to do this with- out having to repress or shut-down your energy. You just learn to chan- nel it in a different direction.

• You can learn, and practise, Sacred Sex with people other than your partner. But, ideally, this means that the other person is also an adept and that there is a very high level of trust and awareness involved with all the parties concerned. In practice, however, most people find that it’s very difficult to do this. Our society does not equip most of us with the emotional and intellectual frameworks needed to allow this sort of 138 Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex

scenario to play out well in the long-term. There are people and organ- izations experimenting with this in various guises. ‘Free love’ in some subcultures (especially in the 1960s), Osho-inspired tantric work- shops, poly-amorists and even ‘Tantra Swingers Evenings’ are all exam- ples of this. Our experience, however, is that it requires a lot of work to find the level of integrity and discipline required to practise Sacred Sex within oneself and a partner. When you add other people into the equation it can be quite difficult indeed. You may wish to proceed with caution and, if it doesn’t feel OK, stay away. Trust your gut instincts. • Sacred Sex takes time and practise. It’s not really something that you

can do well during a one-night stand. On a very practical level, the amount of time and effort required seems to point to working with one person that you are, most likely, living with. Most people in the West are very busy working, studying, raising children or otherwise engaged in full lives. They simply don’t have the time to spend hours and hours practising Sacred Sex every day. If they can create twenty or thirty minutes a day plus an evening or two a week for Sacred Sex prac- tice, then they’ve made a major investment. To do this on a long-term basis with more than one person is just not feasible for most people.

139 Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex

Chapter 15