What happens if she becomes flaky during the courtship? What if she says No to my direct close? What happens if she rejects my proposition for sex? What happens if she wants to call off our relationship? What happens if she leaves me for another male co- worker? What happens if she wants to be just friends?
She wants to know that if things don't work out, there won't be any consequences for her at work. You won't treat her differently from other co-workers. That everything will be "business as usual" between you two:
You: "I understand."
You: "It's probably better if we remain just friends." You: "That's cool. At least you're fun to talk to at work."
You: "Yeah, it's no big deal. At least we have a good professional relationship at work."
From that point on, keep her strictly professional. Never approach or contact her unless it's something work-related. If you cross paths, simply smile and say 'Hi' and continue on without conversation, unless she initiates it. And be sure to treat her with the same professional courtesy that you would any other co-worker. Assist her with any work- related tasks she has, and be someone she can confidently approach.
Continue to be friendly and approachable to her, just don't give her the impression that you are trying to hit on her.
When you return to work, give her space. Don't contact her; wait for her to contact you. And be sure you treat her with the same professional courtesy that you would any other co-worker. All this serves the purpose of hooking up again at a later time. But at this point consider her a flake and move on.
WHAT HAPPENS IF I WANT TO END THE COURTSHIP?
There may be a time when you are the one who wants to end the relationship, for whatever reason. This is where communicating your intentions up front is vital. As long as you were up front and honest about what you wanted from the relationship, there should be no surprises for her when you decide to end the relationship.
You: “I’m no longer interested in dating right now because I want to focus on my career (or school).
You: “I enjoy the freedom of being single, but I still want us to be friends. I think you’re a wonderful person, and I like talking with you from time to time.”
As long as you've been up front about your intentions and been respectful towards her, she will be far less prone to react vindictively because you’ve been a good guy from the start. She will respect you and be more accepting about the relationship ending.
In summary when the courtship has ended, don't treat her worse or differently than anyone else, but also don't give her any special attention either. Be the same YOU that you were before you attempted attracting her. Be Cool, Calm and Connected
1. Give her space. Keep her strictly professional. Never approach or contact her unless it's something work-related. If you cross paths, simply smile and say 'Hi' and continue on without conversation, unless she initiates it. Continue to be friendly and approachable to her, just don't give her the impression that you are trying to hit on her. Treat her like you would when you first met her.
2. Treat her with professional courtesy. And be sure you treat her with the same
professional courtesy that you would any other co-worker. Be open and smile when she approaches you. Don't alienate yourself from her, or give her the cold shoulder when she's around. Assist her with any work-related tasks she has, and be someone she can confidently approach. This is especially if you're her superior, or you're a key person she needs to get her work done. NEVER give a woman the impression that she has to give you her time, her company, or her body in order for you to treat her with professional courtesy at work. This is a form of "quid pro quo" (this for that) in the workplace and you can lose you job over this. Don't make her feel as if she somehow "owes" you because you're not getting a satisfactory return on your investment in the courtship. An alpha male does NOT need any particular woman. If she's attracted, fine. If not, who's next?
3. Validate her. This is an excellent way to communicate that you still think she's cool and you have no hard feelings that the courtship didn't work out. Your validation can be spoken in passing on your way to your destination. Don't give her the impression that your compliment is an attempt to hit on her. Remember, just like a statement of interest, it shouldn't sound too forward, and you don't have to validate her with every encounter; just once or twice to give her the sense that the "breakup" is no big deal to you. Because it really isn't. You're the man, and you have other women available to you:
You: "That was a good idea you suggested at the business meeting." You: "This task you performed looks really professional."
You: "I think it's neat how your shoes match your blouse. You have good fashion sense." Giving her space, treating her with professional courtesy and validating her all serves a few purposes: 1) It communicates that you have no hard feelings towards her, which makes her comfortable around you at the workplace. 2) It allows her to feel more
comfortable about hooking up with you again at a later time. 3) She will see you as a cool person who can be part of her social circle, and she will introduce you to her female friends.
You may be troubled about the courtship ending because the relationship looked promising to you. Don't be. Remember, you are the man and you have PLENTY of opportunities available to you. Ending this courtship is no big deal. The best way for you to truly "get over" this courtship is to start another one. Find another woman who has shown you interest or who you may be interested in. Her interest in you will begin to overshadow the bad feelings you have about the previous relationship.
In short, when ending a courtship with a woman at work, don't shower her with attention in an effort to win her back. This is needy and will cause her to feel uncomfortable with you. But at the same time, don't completely ignore her or treat her coldly. This is being an asshole and it lowers your value. All you need to do is simply withdraw your interest in her and focus your efforts on another woman, while at the same time treating her with professional courtesy where appropriate. Trust me, she WILL notice the difference and respect you for it.
As a Great Teacher once said, "Be wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove."
> Don't get angry, and don't spread rumors about her. And remember...NO TANGIBLES. > When you return to work, give her space. Do NOT bring the problem into the
workplace. Don't go to her office and try to discuss the relationship. No emails or phone messages saying how you don't want it to be over. NO TANGIBLES. This is harassment. And she can go to HR to put a stop to it. It doesn't matter if you two had consensual sex last night and today she wants out, you are now harassing an employee at work, and HR will take action, even if that means terminating your employment.
> treat her with the same professional courtesy that you would any other co-worker. > You are the man, and you have PLENTY of options available to you.
> You have plenty of foxes to chase at work. Because you've been exhibiting Cool, Calm and Connected behavior at your workplace since before the relationship even began, you'd be surprised at the positive responses you'll get now once you get back into the game of attracting women at work.
A third thing you can communicate is that there will be no hard feelings if things don't work out between you two. You don't need to communicate this until you're out on a date and things start going downhill. Say you're at the bar or at your place, and for whatever reason she starts getting cold feet and wants to go home without scheduling a day two. She wants to know that if things don't work out, there will be no consequences at work. You won't treat her differently from other co-workers. That everything will be "business as usual" between you two.
You: "That's cool. At least you're open-minded, and fun to talk to."
You: "Yeah, it's no big deal. Maybe we can try another time when you feel more comfortable. Besides, at least we have a good professional relationship at work." When you return to work, give her space. Don't contact her; wait for her to contact you. And be sure to treat her with the same professional courtesy that you would any other co- worker. All this serves the purpose of hooking up again at a later time. But at this point consider her a flake and move on.
Many women at work have a circle of female co-workers who they chat with, and they DO talk about guys at work. So even if it turns out she's not interested, she will tell her friends about your confident behavior. "He has balls! He looked and talked with me like he KNEW he was going to get me." These women will be curious about you, and will therefore be much more open to your approach and conversation.
Remember, you are a man. Any woman who turns you down, only means that a better woman is coming to you. This current one is merely not the right woman for you, regardless of how "hot" she looks or how "wonderful" her personality is. She may be beautiful, but she might be manipulative or have a lot of emotional baggage. Trust me. A "hotter" woman is coming your way. One that seeks your best interests without all the drama. Simply believe it.
Dealing with clingy women.
If you are the one who calls off the relationship, this can be difficult to accept for some women. Therefore she may attempt to stalk you. Calling you frequently, visiting you at your place of work. The best way to deal with the issue is to talk with her OFF company grounds and OFF the clock. Let her know that it's over and that you are feeling harassed at work, and that if it doesn't stop, then you will take appropriate action with HR. ============
AUTHOR'S PERSONAL PREFERENCE
Also, as a matter of personal preference, I rarely approach or initiate conversation with a woman more than twice in a row. My first approach is usually an introduction (our names, job positions, etc.). My second approach is to engage her in a non-work related conversation, and maybe structure a closing opportunity depending on the dynamics of our interaction. But the third approach is on HER. The same goes for women with whom I'm already acquainted. My first two approaches would be for non-work related
conversations, but the third approach is on HER. Two approaches in a row usually tells a woman that you have some sort of interest in her, even if the nature of your conversations are casual. But three approaches in a row borderlines on being too persistent or needy, and in the event she is NOT attracted to you, she could feel uncomfortable with this or
consider you a platonic friend. Remember, you should NOT do all the work in the courtship. Her putting forth the effort to invest in the courtship sets her apart from all the other women who are NOT attracted to you, but might use your openness as a way of manipulating you. So you must test her interest in you by having her approach or call you from time to time.
I'll usually start conversations with casual topics like favorite things. If she shows me strong interest, then I will transition into topics like Hopes and Dreams or Dating and Relationships.
I prefer closing a woman directly, therefore I usually look for a woman to give me one or more of the Big 3, combined with other strong interest indicators.
If a woman is giving me strong interest, I will usually structure an indirect close if I'm not quite sure how interested she is (whether romantically or platonically). If my indirect close doesn't hook, but the NEXT interaction she is still giving me strong interest, then I will close her directly. Sometimes if my indirect close doesn't hook, I might chat for a minute longer and then switch to a direct close within the same interaction. But I will do this only if I feel she may be open to the idea without getting uncomfortable.
If she declines my close, I will no longer approach her for conversation. Although I will still treat her with professional courtesy and warmly greet her in passing, I will not have any conversations with her unless she initiates it.
Once I'm with a woman off company grounds and off the clock, my behavior will be more provocative towards her. More flirting and teasing, and more physical contact. I will also let her know clearly that I'm interested in her romantically or sexually.
CHAPTER 9: PITFALLS
While there are many opportunities for attracting women at work, there are several pitfalls you should be aware of. Falling into any of these pitfalls can cause you to lose your target's interest or have a harassment complaint filed against you. Avoid the following pitfalls:
PITFALL 1: HITTING ON WOMEN AS IF YOU WERE AT THE BAR OR CLUB