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If you are an ejaculator, congrats! If not, don’t worry about it. It’s lots of fun, but it doesn’t have a lot of bearing on the strength of your orgasm.

You can teach yourself to ejaculate if that’s something you are interested in doing. There are many great books on the topic and lots of videos and information on the Web. We’ll talk more

about ejaculation in chapter 5 when we discuss different types of orgasms. One quick tip that may help: try bearing down rather than pulling in as you reach orgasm. This in itself might cause you to gush. Usually, though, ejaculating requires some sort of pressure on the periurethral gland during your climax. Fingers work very well, and so do curved sex toys. You can use anything firm enough to apply a lot of pressure, but small enough in diameter that it doesn’t block the urethra,

to stimulate the G-spot and cause ejaculation.

For the longest time I was always the ejaculating half of the couple, and while my lovers seemed to enjoy the show, I was neither here nor there about it. It didn’t necessarily make my orgasms stronger, and while I enjoyed the whole process I didn’t feel it was a necessary component of a great fuck. Then I met a gal who ejaculated when she got off and suddenly I understood why my former lovers had gone so crazy over it. Getting a woman off like that and being drenched in her

come is super exciting!

UTERUS

Your uterus is a fist-sized organ between your bladder and rectum. When you have an orgasm, the muscles of the uterus contract several times. Sometimes having an orgasm can help when you have menstrual cramps because it causes the muscles to relax.

CERVIX

Your cervix sits at the very top of your vagina, at the opening of your uterus. It has a tiny hole through which menstrual blood can pass or sperm can get in when you are trying to get pregnant. Some women enjoy having their cervix stimulated by a toy or fingers. Playing with the cervix stimulates the vagus nerve, which can lead to some pretty bonkers orgasms. When you are really aroused, your cervix pulls up farther into your body to allow more room for penetration. This is part of what makes fisting

possible and amazing.

PERINEUM

The perineum is the area between your vaginal opening and your butthole. It’s filled with nerve endings and is very sensitive. Use your knuckles or finger pads to gently experiment; she may love you for it!

Our gay brethren certainly go wild for perineum play, as it’s one of their most highly concentrated spots of nerve endings. If your lover is a bit of a gay boy, tell him or her what you’re after and work it into your anal play. Similarly, slide your dental dam a bit lower and see whether this sweet spot is something your lover likes teased.

Quick tip: Experimenting with new holes or practices is all about the presentation! Make it hot.

Seductively suggest why this particular move is a turn-on.

ANUS

Everyone has an anus, or butthole. Face it—the butthole is an equal opportunity orifice. It’s just a hole. It’s not weird, bad, or wrong to want to stick things up your butt or someone else’s. Anal sex is fun. Your butthole has tons of blood vessels and nerve endings—in other words, it is very sensitive.

And in the context of sex, the more holes the better, right?

The opening to your ass is called the anus. The area around your anus is full of hair follicles. This means everyone has hair down there—so get over your worries about it. If you are really hairy and you feel self-conscious about it, you can get it waxed. Lots of salons offer something called a “tweeny wax,” which pretty much consists of waxing between your butt cheeks. If waxing makes you feel sexy, do it; but remember, waxing shouldn’t be a shameful thing. Your body is awesome!

The anal opening is controlled by two bands of muscle called the sphincters. The external sphincter muscle is closest to the opening and if you pay lots of attention to your Kegels, you can learn to relax and contract this baby at will. The inner sphincter muscle is controlled by your autonomic nervous system. (The autonomic nervous system controls all involuntary body functions like breathing and heart rate.) The internal sphincter muscle reacts involuntarily (i.e., it relaxes and allows feces to move when you are ready to go).

Your rectum is the tube that transports waste from the large intestine to the anus. It’s not technically a sexual organ but many people into advanced anal play (such as fisting and/or very large toys) report states of extreme euphoria after a session of intense anal play.

PC MUSCLES

All of us, trans or cis, have pelvic muscles called the pubococcygeus muscles, better known as the PC muscles. If you strengthen them you can increase the strength and duration of your orgasms, and who doesn’t want that? To exercise your PC muscles, follow these steps:

1. Pretend you are peeing. If you are really unfamiliar with this territory, you might want to actually pee during this exercise. Squeeze your muscles together to cut off the stream of pee. Got it? The muscles you use to do this are your PC muscles. Now you’ve found them.

2. Squeeze and release your muscles as many times as you can for one minute. Try varying the rhythm by squeezing and releasing in rapid bursts. Or squeeze and hold the tension for as long as you can.

3. Squeeze your butthole. No, seriously. Do it. This is the anterior portion of the PC loop. Follow the instructions above, only squeezing and releasing your anus this time. We all carry a lot of tension down there, and you don’t want to be a tight-ass, do you? Relaxing and strengthening this muscle will make all types of sex more enjoyable, and it’s absolutely necessary if you want to enjoy anal sex.

SENSITIVITY

Frequently, depending on a bunch of factors like our gender presentation, our sexual history, or even medical issues, we feel pain when a particular area of our body is touched. If this describes you, talk to your partners and find a gyno with whom you feel comfortable talking openly about your sex life. Easier said than done, I know. But there’s always the internet. Ask your friends for

suggestions.

Whenever I visit a new health care provider, I grill her about her comfort level and experience with trans and queer bodies. I’m totally serious! I know that as a cisgender woman with a gender presentation that doesn’t really defy mainstream standards it’s my job to be on the front lines and

make space for my queer partners. And because of this, when friends need a health care provider, I usually have a list of names to give them. You probably have friends like me, so ask around.