PROBLEMAS Y POTENCIALIDADES EN EL SECTOR DE LA EDUCACIÓN 1 Problemas

Parents were asked how their experience of adoption was shaped by adopting two children at the same time. Two couples (8%) responded that it was just the way they had done it, they had no other experience to compare it to:

We were thinking double. There was no difference as far as we were concerned because we had never done it any other way. (Parent of girl, adopted at 15mths from EE)

Most parents (80%) described the experience as entirely positive. They said the company and support the children gave each other possibly made their job that little bit easier:

It was probably easier having two, they were company for each other, one kept the other entertained, even if it was only to fight! (Parents of boy, adopted at 26mths from EE)

Another advantage mentioned by a parent was that adopting two children together allowed the parent to make some useful comparisons. One couple described how they could observe their children’s development and intervene if they thought it were appropriate, whereas if the child was adopted alone they would not have been able to make useful age based comparisons:

We coped better. We could see how far behind (child’s sister) was because we were able to compare and we had to force things on her. (Parent of boy, adopted at 1mth from EE)

Although most parents had positive things to say, some also found it an enormous adjustment to adopt two children together. This period was remembered as stressful, busy and pressured:

It was busy, it was very, very busy, we had our hands full for the first few years. (Parent of girl, adopted at 1mth from EE)

It worked for us, it was more onerous, there were pros and cons. They had each other but you had to deal with twice the problems, there were other issues as well, just the practical issues were difficult, dividing your time between the two. (Parent of girl, adopted at 4y from EE)

Some parents (10%) worried what effect adopting two children together had on the children themselves: Very busy time, more intense, never had a chance to give one child individual attention.

(Parents of girl, adopted at 12mths from EE)

The fact that you have two means that you can’t just spoil one and centre your whole life around one, they probably missed out on the individual attention in that respect, and the fact that he was a toddler and his brother was a baby meant that he probably missed out a bit initially maybe, because his brother would have got so much more attention. But you were very conscious of him as well and the times when his brother was asleep you would have taken him on his own and spent your time with him to try and make up for the time. (Parent of boy, adopted at 28mths from EE)

When asked about the effect of two children being adopted together on the children themselves, parents generally outlined the positive effects for them when growing up. All parents commented that the most positive thing for the children was that they had each other and they will always have the companionship and support that siblings offer each other:

They had company and someone to fight with, they played with each other (Parent of girl, adopted at 1mth from EE)

You go through the different phases together, they have each other. (Parent of girl, adopted at 3mths from EE)

Parents who adopted siblings who were related by birth stated that the biggest advantage of adopting two children together was that the children were not separated from one another:

Because they were siblings they needed to be adopted together and for them it was great that they had each other in a foreign country, they were so close and bonded so it would have been difficult and very stressful for them if separated. (Parent of girl, adopted at 4y from EE)

Another positive aspect mentioned by parents was the satisfaction and enjoyment they received out of raising two children:

The pleasure of two and knowing they have each other. (Parent of girl, adopted at 8mths from EE)

Double the joy I suppose, as well as double the work! It is a big change after having no children. (Parent of boy, adopted at 26mths from EE)

Parents also described the feelings of fulfillment and completeness at having a complete family; the fact that they adopted two children at the same time had resulted in an instant family:

You get a ready-made family, especially a brother and sister. (Parent of boy, adopted at 28mths from EE)

Adopting two children at the same time also ensured couples did not have to go through the process of preparation, assessment, waiting and travelling a second time:

With two kids we didn’t have to face the thoughts of going through it all again, we always wanted to have more than one child and for the child’s sake, and the fact that we had two and we didn’t have to go through it again was great. (Parent of girl, adopted at 1mth from EE)

Parents were also asked if there had been any disadvantages involved in adopting two children together. Most parents (72%) said there had been no drawbacks, though some of these did qualify this by saying that if personal circumstances were different and if the children they adopted had more issues there might have been some disadvantages:

No, there were no disadvantages with them being adopted together. I (mother) wasn’t working outside the home but if both parents were working full time it would be more difficult. (Parent of girl, adopted at 1mth from EE)

It depends on individual circumstances or capacity, it has worked for us. (Parent of boy, adopted at 4mths from O)

When discussing disadvantages parents generally referred to the practical issues involved when raising two children at the same time. They said the work, time and effort involved was immense. A further disadvantage was the fact that there was not as much individual time with each of the children. Some parents believed the children may have “missed out” because of this:

Sometimes I felt they weren’t getting enough attention because I had the two and in that way I would have felt guilty, but I took the year off so I suppose…(Parent of boy, adopted at 28mths from EE)

One couple mentioned a separate practical problem, that is, the expense involved in raising two young children, particularly two who were close in age. This expense was a further stress on the family at an already demanding time:

Cost, two of everything, you have no hand-me-downs, would be better if one was older than the other to have the experience of one before the other, rivalry of them very close in age. (Parent of girl, adopted at 3mths from EE)