Along with loss anniversaries, there are likely to be specific triggers that are unique to your experience. Specific triggers are things that remind you of a loss from your life. Consider the following examples.
• Samuel’s Story
Samuel was molested by a teacher who smelled very strongly of aftershave. The scent of aftershave sometimes brings up powerful emotions in Samuel even as an adult. After something like that happens, Samuel finds himself watching pornography on the computer for hours and hours.
• Patricia’s Story
Patricia was in a bad car accident at nighttime. Sometimes, when she is driving on the highway after dark, the headlights of the other cars trigger fear or even panic in her. Patricia finds herself smoking marijuana or taking extra Valium when she gets home after driving at night— or worse, before she goes out.
• Enrique’s Story
When he was only seven, Enrique saw his uncle die of a heart attack. When his kids are playing in the living room one day and his son pretends to fall suddenly to the ground, Enrique becomes enraged. He yells at the kids to go to their rooms, and he spends the rest of the night drinking beer in the backyard.
• Betty’s Story
When Betty was five, her mother left her and her siblings with their grandparents and did not come back for eight months. Betty finds herself anxious and irritable whenever a friend or family member leaves for a vacation. She often turns off her phone at these times and spends hours gambling online.
Exercise 7.4 Specific Triggers Worksheet
What are some specific triggers that might propel you toward your addictive behavior? They can be sights, smells, sensations, sounds, or events. Being aware of your specific triggers will give you even more strength in the battle against the loss- addiction cycle that has been keeping you stuck. Use this worksheet to list any specific triggers you can think of.
Specific trigger:
Loss it relates to:
Specific trigger:
Loss it relates to:
Specific trigger:
Loss it relates to:
Specific trigger:
Loss it relates to:
Specific trigger:
Loss it relates to:
Specific trigger:
Loss it relates to:
It might seem a little nerve- racking to have to keep track of your loss anniversaries. Maybe you don’t want a calendar full of reminders of that pain. You may be thinking, Is that really the answer?
Am I going to have to think about this stuff every second? Do I have to obsess about my losses to recover from my addiction?
No, you won’t have to focus on your losses all the time in order to be prepared for a loss anni- versary or a specific trigger. As your healing continues, you will learn how to be aware of when they are coming up without feeling as if you have to constantly stand watch.
• Elizabeth’s Story
Elizabeth comes to therapy after getting out of rehab. She abused Xanax, a prescription antianxiety medication, and alcohol for many years.
“You know how, in the scary movies,” Elizabeth says, “they know the killer is
somewhere and is coming for them, and there’s all this tension in the air? Oh, I can’t stand it! I get so edgy! That’s what it was like for me before: knowing something was wrong but not knowing when it would come for me. I would have all these feelings attack me out of nowhere. I can’t tell you how much it has helped me to understand my loss anniversaries and specific triggers. The first time I was molested by my grandfather was right around Christmas; sometimes even the smell of a gingerbread cookie can bring me right back to that place. When I start to get really stressed or moody, or feel really down, I can take a deep breath— or a hundred if I need them!— and observe what’s going on for me. Better yet, I can prepare for my anniversaries and triggers, and do some extra self- care. I am so grateful not to feel like a boat knocked around by a storm anymore. Understanding all of this has gotten me back on solid ground.”
Conclusion
Let’s take a moment to review what you’ve done so far. In chapter 1 you began getting to know your emotions. In chapter 2, you became an expert on your thoughts. In chapter 3, you focused in on your behaviors and got a clear picture of what you value in your life. Chapter 4 introduced you to mindfulness, and you learned to observe your mind without judgment. In chapters 5 and 6, you did the important work of identifying your losses and your addictive behaviors. And in this chapter you pinpointed your loss anniversaries and specific triggers and found the connections between them and your addiction.
Essentially, you have been coming to a greater and greater understanding of yourself. You have been learning the way your mind works, the way you have been responding to emotions, and what your triggers are. So, why all this work? Why all the exercises? What’s so important about bringing these things to your awareness?
Awareness gives you strength! Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book (AA World Services 2002) calls alcohol “cunning, baffling, powerful” (58– 59) and “a subtle foe” (85). It’s certainly true that addiction can be a strong and clever enemy. Maybe you have been trying to fight that enemy alone for a very long time. Maybe it has seemed pretty hopeless. Fighting an enemy you cannot see is pretty terrifying, and it doesn’t go very well. Every exercise you have done so far, every sentence in this book you have pondered, has been bringing that enemy into sight. Now it is visible to you, and you can even see its battle plans! Those repeat- offender thoughts can’t manipulate you the way they used to; you know their game. Your emotions can’t overwhelm you anymore; you know where they are coming from and that you can tolerate them. Your losses can’t run your life anymore; you have brought them into the light, and you are healing. And finally, your addiction doesn’t own you anymore. Even if you continue to struggle with that enemy at this point, you are not helplessly caught in its grasp the way you used to be. You know what addiction is doing to you, and you know there’s a way out. Your awareness is giving you the strength you need to fight this battle and win!
Now that you have the strong foundation of knowing when your loss anniversaries occur and what specific triggers may urge you toward your addictive behaviors, the next chapter is devoted to enhancing your mindfulness skills. You will continue learning new, effective coping skills to accept and tolerate your emotions and experiences.