Reforzado principal

There’s a vicious term doing the rounds on Planet Dating that is getting single women in a tizzy. Sexist, highly insulting and downright rude, it invariably comes up in conversation when men are sitting around

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a poker table after one too many beers have been consumed. The phrase I’m talking about is ‘damaged goods’.

While men refuse to date women they perceive to be suffering from damaged goods syndrome (DGS) many of us are left mightily confused as to what exactly the term means.

One male friend defi nes DGS as ‘anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship before you start dating them’ (which pretty much describes the majority of the thirty-something population!). Another defi nes DGS as ‘a woman who has been married before, has kids, still talks to her ex and is cynical about men’. A third says it’s ‘any woman who’s been dumped, abused or cheated on’.

It’s all a bit unfair really. While a man will give himself permission to shag, date and dump anything in a skirt as many times as his heart desires, he won’t give women any leeway for even the slightest sexual indiscretion. Shag the wrong bloke, get knocked up or make the decision to have kids sans a ring on your fi nger and suddenly you’re stuck with the unshakable DGS label. Which all seems odd considering that since the Pill arrived in the 1960s, women have been having sex without the burdens of marriage, emotions or monogamy. Having kids without getting married is no longer considered taboo, and with divorce rates reaching 50 per cent of all marriages, you’d be hard-pressed to fi nd someone who hasn’t already walked down the aisle

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once. But when I put the topic up on my column, I was surprised by the number of men who responded, showing just how widespread the DGS concept is.

One male reader, BeniBonanza, wrote: ‘Men can sense a woman with lots of baggage and thus refer to her as damaged goods. For example: ladies, if you mention your ex on multiple occasions within your fi rst three dates, you are damaged goods. We call it as it is.’

While this might seem a little harsh and slightly unfair (considering most people have been burnt by a nasty ex), the fact of the matter is that we could have two kids, be divorced and have more baggage than Posh Spice boarding a fl ight to LA and yet if we act breezy and in-the-moment, rather than focusing on our sordid past, it’s likely men will be attracted to us regardless of the baggage we carry.

#29. CANDY GIRL TIP:

The Chase is all about NOT laying your cards on the table in a needy way. Whether you have baggage or not, he doesn’t need to hear you harp on and on about it. You’re worth it no matter how many suitcases you carry!

Think of the latest Hollywood single mums who can indeed date, shag and be damn hot while they’re doing it, despite the fact they are potential ‘damaged

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goods’. Look at Angelina Jolie—her baggage defi nitely hasn’t been a deterrent!

As image consultant Mark Stevens told the New York Daily News: ‘Forget about the mom stuff. It’s all about sex . . . I think women—celebrity and real—are selling their sex appeal before their maternal instincts.

They’re not asking guys to change diapers.’⁵

My colleague, Nick, thirty and single, summed it up best when he said: ‘The more important part of being damaged is being too stubborn or fearful to adapt to new surroundings and new situations.’

On the other hand, Sienna, a single gal, told me:

‘Who cares what other people think of you. You are not defi ned by others. I would just laugh off anyone who said I was “damaged goods”. . . no-one is perfect!’

Amen to that.

From the Male Room

‘My last girlfriend always reminded me that she didn’t want to be the “get over girl” and yet the constant reminder of it somehow proved it to be true. The same girlfriend stated she didn’t wish to be a Saturday-night-only girlfriend. She gave me a two–three times/

nights a week minimum visitation order. Over time I thought, why bother?’—OS&IDidThat2

‘Ladies, you need to take heed of this. It’s obvious!

If you feel you are damaged goods, don’t portray it.

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Guys don’t give a toss about an ex, and in fact if he is mentioned regularly while you are dating someone, guys will bolt. And the term “damaged goods” will be used, and passed on to all his mates, and no-one will go near her. Hence, ladies, avoid being branded DG at all costs . . .’—JD

‘Being “damaged goods” isn’t about what you’ve done or who you’ve shagged. That is such a simplistic view!

It is about the attitude! Any woman who thinks that

“all men are alike” is heading in the damaged direc-tion. A single mother isn’t, by default, damaged, but if she’s constantly shitty with her ex and all men in general, or desperately trying to fi nd a new father for her child, then she probably is.

‘A woman who’s been in a long-term relation-ship isn’t damaged by default, but if she’s paranoid that you’re going to leave her like all the men before you, or that you’re going to turn out to be a loser too, then she is.

‘I can’t speak for all men, but as far as I’m concerned, the more experiences a woman has had, the better! She’ll hopefully know herself better and know what she’s looking for, but if she’s jaded or bitter as a result, then she is “damaged goods” and I don’t want to know her.’—Shane

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#30. WONDER WOMAN LESSON:

Throw out the belief that you’re inflicted with DGS and start thinking along the lines of Angelina Jolie. Your past only makes you more worldly, sexy, sophisticated, sexually experienced and with way more to offer than the average woman.