DEFINICIONES SP: Seguro Popular

Self-esteem is learning proper respect for yourself and having a sense of your own worth. I once knew a young man who was into all sorts of rebel- lious things. He dressed in tattered, worn, and dirty clothing and didn’t take care of himself at all. When I asked him what he wanted out of life, he said, “I just want to be happy, but 1 also want to be an influence on other people.” He was only fifteen years old at the time.

One Saturday I took him to a clothing store. 1 asked the salesperson for help finding an outfit for my young friend—a dark blue suit and a pair of new shoes. I wanted him to look sharp—like the president of the United States. Next we stopped at a barbershop, where he had his hair cut. Then 1 asked him to come to church with me the next day. He told me he hadn’t been to church since he was ten.

The next morning, he went with me—dressed in his new suit, tie, and shoes, sporting his new haircut—into church. 1 stood back and took in the scene—his parents were amazed and started to cry. Others saw him, but they didn’t know at first who he was. When they finally recognized him, they gathered around him and told him how fabulous he looked and how glad they were to see him. Everyone hugged him and paid him sincere compliments.

This was an astounding, immediate, and life-changing experience for him. He didn’t want to go home when the services concluded. He felt val- ued, proud, and important; he’d never felt that way before in his entire life. He felt so good, in fact, that he didn’t take the suit off for three days.

F. E. R. D .A. C. C.

To instill self-esteem and self-respect in your children and in yourself, you must use the following elements: feelings, expectations, respect, disci- pline, attention, compliments, and consistency. By teaching your children the value and importance of feeling loved, you’ll help them become well- adjusted and happy adults who place no limitations on themselves.

Feelings

Addressing and dealing with your children’s feelings teaches them that their feelings are not only real to them but important to you as well. Take care of your child’s feelings as you would have yours taken care of. By treating your children as little people with real feelings and showing them that their feelings mat- ter to you, you’ll watch them grow up with the self-

assurance that they have great worth and are important. Being sensitive to their wishes, feelings, and concerns doesn’t mean that you always give in to them or allow them to have their way.

Expectations

Children usually become what you expect them to be. If they understand what is expected of them, they will eventually learn to provide it. Children may occasionally seem to depart from our teachings, but if we have high expectations of them, they will evolve to become well adjusted, happy adults. Youngsters need to know what is expected of them, as well as what they can expect from life.

Children need parents to set limits and boundaries for them. When raising our five children, we taught them that when they are small, their boundaries are narrow because they don’t yet know what they are doing. As they grow older and more mature, their boundaries will widen as they take positive actions and make wise decisions. If they act immature or in a way that is harmful, the boundaries will be constricted, and some deci- sions will be made for them. The more they behave as adults do, the more they will be treated as such. Our children soon learned that they were the ones who controlled the boundaries, not us. We want them to have as much freedom as they can emotionally handle.

Tell your children that their judgment is valued. You can do this be providing all the known facts about the matter at hand, asking for their opinion, and implementing their best ideas.

Respect

As adults, we often expect respect from our children. But respect should be bestowed on them as well. Treat children as you would want to be treated, or as

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

—Proverbs 22:6

Be sure the high expectations you have for your children are motivated by what is best for the child—and don’t reflect only what you want.

you would treat an adult friend. My wife and I hold regular family councils with our children to seek their input on many things, like where to go on vacations, what food to eat, where to eat out, movies to watch, and even how we should solve specific problems. We do this because we want to involve them in all deci- sions that concern them as well as to teach them that their viewpoint matters.

Discipline

Discipline involves training that helps to develop self-control and character. Many parents perceive discipline as punishing children for infractions of rules—they may even discipline by slapping or spanking. But discipline means more than just punishment; it also means being able to begin a project and stay with it until it is accomplished.

Children need a lot of loving correction and guidance. You should have specific rules in your home to help provide the right direction. Then you can say to your children, “You can do anything you want within these guidelines. But if you step outside these guidelines, there will be conse- quences.”

You should also explain consequences to your children. You and your child can even decide upon them together, so the discipline is expected— and deserved. Don’t make all the decisions for them, but set down rules and regulations with their input. Issuing threats never works as well as agreeing on consequences.

Attention

It goes without saying that children need a lot of attention. A woman I know had a two-year-old toddler who was getting into everything. She worked full-time, and when she came home at the end of a long day, the child would scream and hang on to her, demand- ing her attention. “He is driving me crazy,” she said to me. “I can’t get anything done because he is so demanding.”

“Does he do that with your husband or with his grandmother?” I asked her.

“No,” she said. “Just with you?” Tell your children

that their judgment is valued. You can do this by providing all the known facts about the matter at hand, asking for their opinion, and implementing their best ideas.

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”

“Yes.”

I suggested that before the child began to scream and pull on her leg, she might pull up a chair and let him stand to watch her cook, or get him involved with whatever she was doing.

Studies have shown that babies who are held and

cuddled grow faster and healthier than those who are not. When a baby isn’t getting the attention it deserves, it often cries until someone picks it up.

Whenever possible and appropriate, involve your children in every aspect of your life. We hear a lot today about spending quality time—as opposed to quantity time. Because most families are so busy, they find they have limited time, patience, and energy, but there must be a happy medium between quality and quantity. If Dad spends two hours a day with his nose stuck in a paper while Junior plays on the floor, that’s nei- ther quantity nor quality time. At the opposite end of the scale, ten min- utes per day of intense time spent with a young person isn’t enough to be considered quality time either—let alone quantity time. It is impor- tant to find the balance and provide your children with the attention they need.