POLÍTICAS

Children Ages One to Twelve

 Television: hours, programs, channels, and priorities  Allowances: How much and how often? Discuss chores and

restrictions.

 Computers: use, restrictions, ground rules, web sites, and computer games

 Room cleaning: frequency and what is expected  Hygiene and health: bathing, brushing teeth, doctor and

dentist visits

 Clothing: styles, designer labels, school clothes, and play clothes

 Friendships: selection, rules, overnight stays, and play at your house

 Activities, hobbies, games, and sports: participation, league play, and sportsmanship

 Homework: How much and how often? Discuss priorities, rules, and exceptions.

 Discipline: why, when, how, and what form

 Bedtimes: regular, vacation, summers, and any exceptions  Music: what is acceptable and what isn’t

Teenagers Ages Thirteen to Eighteen

Many of the topics for younger children also apply to teens.

 Dating privileges: frequency, age, date selection, destination, and curfews

 Use of family car: frequency, acceptable reasons, cost, and restrictions

 Part-time employment: type of work, hours required, and transportation to work

 Privacy: right to privacy, but need to know if they’re exposed to alcohol and/or drugs

Adult Children Living Away from Home

 Car ownership: Is one needed? Who pays insurance and upkeep?

 College selection: Who makes the decision? Who pays for it?  Credit cards: One or more? Why? In whose name will they be

issued? Who pays? Discuss restrictions.

 College housing: Is it desirable or necessary financially? Any conditions?

 Summer housing: Is student to live at home? Pay rent? Why or why not? Establish curfews and other rules. Discuss room cleaning expectations and privacy issues.

Adult Children Still Living at Home

Many topics in the earlier checklists may also apply to this group.  Support: Will you provide financial assistance? Why or why not?  Rent: If earning money, should your child be paying rent? How much?  Visits by the opposite sex: Will you allow the opposite sex to go

I suggest only offering advice to your adult chil- dren when it is requested. As your children become adults, you take on an honorary advisory role. Be more concerned about relationships than about giv- ing advice or direction. Even with that in mind, there are always exceptions. You need to allow children of all ages to make mistakes, since they provide great learning experiences. However, there are limits. For instance, you have more home-buying experience than your children do, so when they’re shopping for a home, you might want to volunteer your services to help prevent them from making a terrible and costly mistake.

When children reach adulthood, they want to try their wings and fly out on their own. There’s a saying that when you let your children go, they return to you. They value the relationship and your friendship, and they stay in contact. When you try to hang on to them—or try to control them—they resent it and begin to reject you, and you run the risk of losing them forever.

Anyone who has ever attended college, or served in the military with new recruits, knows people who did wild and crazy things. Generally they are the ones who are experiencing complete freedom from their parents’ domination for the first time—expressing all these pent-up feelings and desires for the first time.

Parenting is like teaching: The teachers who are the most demanding also earn the most respect. They come in, lay down the law, and take no nonsense. Once they establish that they’re in charge, they can, and quite often do, back off on the rules and soften up a bit. It isn’t long before the respect turns to love and admiration. The teachers who want to be popular with their students often let anything go in their classes. This results in the students losing respect for the teacher, and subsequently the students don’t learn much either.

A study of children considered to be well adjusted and happy showed two surprising common denomi- nators: a nurturing father and a strict mother. That is not to say that the father wasn’t also stern when needed and the mother wasn’t nurturing. They were both. Too many times, only the father is the discipli- narian and only the mother is the nurturer.

Children, of any age, don’t always know what God is the author

of families. He knows that we don’t know what we are doing. Mistakes are expected. Learn to be the best parent you can.

“One of the best gifts you can give to your children is to show them that you love their mother.”

you are feeling. If you make it a habit to tell—and show—the ones you love how you feel about them, they will realize the depth of your love. Letting your children see expressions of love between you and your spouse gives children a sense of security that cannot be obtained in any other manner.

Put honest feelings into everything you do or say—whether express- ing sorrow, trust, unhappiness, joy, anger, disgust, shame, disappointment, or unconditional love. When no emotions are evidenced, children and spouses can only guess. Be real with your feelings, so they can be real with theirs.

Once, I was wrestling with my five-year-old son, and my daughter, three years old at the time, kept saying to me, “Daddy, let me play with you, let me play too.” She wanted to join in, but I rejected her request. I had planned to take care of her feelings later, but that wasn’t good enough for her. She continued to ask if she could play until finally I gave in. I picked her up and tossed her onto the couch, tickling her for a few brief seconds, making her laugh and giggle. Then I resumed chasing after my son, and we continued our roughhousing. Moments later, I saw my daugh- ter standing next to us, looking hurt and ready to cry. Feeling guilty, I asked what was the matter.

“I want to play with you,” she whimpered.

“I picked you up and threw you on the couch, didn’t I?” “Yes,” she said quietly.

“And I tickled you and made you laugh, didn’t I?” “Yes.”

“Then I was playing with you, wasn’t I?”

“But Daddy, it didn’t feel like you were playing with me.” She was right, I was just going through the motions.

Another time, our five-year-old son took a pair of scissors and cut his shirt pocket, for the second time. My wife was upset, as she had really given him what-for the first time around and thought she had put an end to this behavior. “Why do you do that? Do you think it’s funny or some- thing?” she asked.

He smiled, as if in agreement, but I saw a flicker of fear in his expres- sion. I could see he really was afraid, and maybe even ashamed.

I put my arm around him and asked him, “What are you feeling right now?”

He burst into tears and then told me he was scared. When I asked him why he had cut his shirt, he had no answer. He was probably just goofing around, but he learned to deal with real feelings, and he felt very bad.

Marci came to his side, put her arms around him, and asked sincerely what she could do to help. All our other children did the same, gathering around him and encouraging him never to do it again.