Descripción

Phosphorus loves being in relationships. Deep inside, she feels unloved and isolated, so she will do almost anything to find someone who can keep her company in order to avoid these uncomfortable feelings. Therefore, she always surrounds herself with as many people as possible, especially people who appre-ciate her, pay attention to her and tell her how beautiful she is.

Phosphorus is normally very charming and can easily make friends, but she still has a hard time creating intimate relationships. There are a few differ-ent reasons for this. First of all, she expects her relationships to always be exciting and fun, and she very much dislikes seriousness and conflict, which is also a natural part of relationships. She prefers relating on a light, but some-what superficial level, and then wonders why she can’t create a deeper connec-tion to anyone. Because she knows that the connecconnec-tion isn’t as deep as she would want it to be, she needs constant re-assurance that she is beautiful, and that her partner loves her. Although she is usually very affectionate in relation-ships, her affection isn’t always given from a truly loving space. Subconsciously, she is hoping that the more affection she showers on her partner, the more affection she will receive in return. This is, in fact, what she actually expects him to do, even though she may not openly express it to him. The partner often feels this underlying expectation, anyway, and doesn’t always reciprocate her display of affection. This makes Phosphorus feel drained and depressed, and eventually she will either withdraw from the person who is not reciprocating her affection, or she will become very angry towards him and start demanding his attention in a very controlling way. If she really wants him to pay attention to her, and he won’t, she can even make herself very sick. Fibro-myalgia is a good example of a Phosphorus ailment that has the potential to create a lot of attention in her life, and for that very reason, it is also very hard to cure be-cause who wants to lose all that attention? If, however, she pushes the issue too

hard, or starts raging because she is not getting the attention she wants, her mate often ends up leaving her because there seems to be no end to her de-mands, and he just has to get away from her to find relief. This is often “the story of her life,” and she finds herself alone, heart broken and feeling unloved, time and time again.

Phosphorus tends to create what I call “high maintenance relationships.”

If you want to be friends with a Phosphorus, she does expect a lot from you in return. One Phosphorus woman, I used to know, often left messages on my answering machine, asking me to go and get things for her at the local store and bring them to her, since I lived closer to the store than she did. Another Phos-phorus woman used to call and ask me to bring her bottles of homeopathic remedies simply because she was tired and didn’t feel like getting into her car.

This woman was also addicted to all kinds of allopathic medicines, and she used her homeopathic remedies in much the same way as she used her allopathic ones. She had no regard for following my instructions, which made it virtually impossible to manage her case, and I finally had to break off my relationship with her, which put her into a nasty rage. She told me then that every therapist she had ever worked with had done the same thing to her, and that she felt totally abandoned by everyone. She didn’t realize that her tendency to con-stantly self medicate with a mixture of everything she had on her shelf, basi-cally, made it impossible to work with her. She simply thought she was exercising her rights as a client, and couldn‘t see why I made it such a big deal out of it! She had no clear personal boundaries, and therefore, she couldn’t understand the boundaries that needed to be present in the relationship be-tween client and therapist, either.

This same woman would often call her friends any time, day or night, and ask them to come over and spend hours of their time with her because her fears were out of control. She had no idea what a burden or a drain, this was on her friends, and when they eventually withdrew from her because they needed a break, she would become horribly angry and often complain about how much energy she was always giving people without ever receiving anything in return.

This is a very common Phosphorus issue. The fact is, they do give a lot of love and attention to their friends, but there is usually an ulterior motive behind their giving that others can often sense. Their main purpose for giving love to others is to receive love in return, and this unexpressed, underlying expectation often makes others feel uneasy about the whole situation. Phosphorus has adopted this kind of strategy simply because she is good at it, and it works. The more they give to others, the more they expect others to give back to them. They need constant reassurance from everyone in their lives about how beautiful they are, and how much they are loved and appreciated, and they are most likely unaware of how demanding this can seem to their friends in the long run.

Another Phosphorus woman who had terminal cancer, went back to the town where she grew up when she found out she was about to die. She didn’t get along with her own family, which is often typical for a Phosphorus, but luckily, she had many friends she could count on. She moved in with an old boyfriend and told everyone she knew that she was dying, and that she needed their help.

Before long, all her friends, as well as the rest of the community, were offering whatever they could do to help. Someone would bring her free wood and make fires for her, someone else would cook her food, make fresh vegetable juices or do her dishes, she was offered free massages on a regular basis and she also had friends who would come and give her a bath, wash her hair and clean her bed whenever it was needed. Sometimes people would even spend the night watch-ing over her so she didn’t have to wake up scared. As I looked at the situation, I asked her if she thought all those people were helping her get well, or helping her stay sick. She looked at me shocked and said: “What do you mean?” So I told her I could see how much she loved all the attention she was getting and I asked her if she was willing to give it all up. I told her she was only getting this much attention because she was sick and that all that attention would disappear if she actually became well. So, I asked her again: “Are you willing to give it up?”

She got very much disturbed by my question and said she needed time to think about it. Unfortunately, she wasn’t willing to give up any of the attention she was getting. This was what she had wanted her whole life. For the first time in her life, she felt totally loved and cared for, and she would rather die than give it up. So, needless to say, that is what she did…

My feeling is that Phosphorus needs so much attention from others that almost no amount is really enough because she hasn’t learned how to love and appreciate herself, yet. This is why she goes from one relationship to the next, always searching for what she can’t find in herself and hoping to find it in the right kind of company. This is also why Phosphorus often ends up with lots of loving pets in her life since the pets don’t mind giving her the unconditional and constant love and attention she craves. The key for Phosphorus, to resolve her issues, is to stop looking for love to come from someone else, and instead, look inside for her inner source of love. This is, of course, the last thing any Phospho-rus wants to hear, but nevertheless, the only way to find true and lasting ful-fillment.

IF I'M GENTLE AND SOFT,