OTRABANDA: LA HISTORIA OFICIAL YA CONTADA…

If you are fully in your sexual element and owning your sexuality, then escalation becomes very

straightforward. Rather than focusing on specific tactics and techniques, you simply have to put yourself fully into the moment. Sex and sexual connection is mostly a natural phenomenon between male and female energies. It requires very little, if any, directed effort. Evolution has designed us so that the masculine and the feminine are compatible and complementary, both physically and mentally. So rather than interfere with that natural process by trying to impose your conscious (often culturally- defined) expectations, fears and assumptions, you should open yourself up to the moment and let things transpire organically.

What is this “moment” exactly? It is the physical and mental situation that you and the woman are in together. What is interesting is that “being in the moment” (also known as “being present” or “being in the zone”) is how you automatically are during sex. Take that concept and apply it to the initial

approach, the conversation, the date, and everything else you experience with her up to and including the sex itself. When you are having a conversation with a woman, or interacting with her in any way on any level, you are essentially “having sex” with her in a psychological or emotional way, long before the physical act.

Sex is primarily emotional for women. As such, a woman has sex with a man emotionally, having become emotionally naked, long before she decides to get physically naked with him.

Understanding this will help you master escalation and calibration. You are already in a sexual situation with a woman regardless of the amount of clothing the two of you are wearing, regardless of your location, regardless of the specific circumstances on the approach or on the date. Escalation in its purest form is not creating sexual connection out of thin air, but rather expanding on and deepening the sexual energy that was in place from the moment you laid eyes on her.

Escalation not only brings out the girl’s desire for you, but also your own desire for her. It is one thing to look at a girl in the street and desire her in a general sense based on how she looks, but it is quite another to actually be alone with her with your body totally relaxed, ready to actually penetrate her at that moment.

This aspect of escalation is usually completely ignored by dating and pickup commentary. It is assumed that the man is always ready for sex, but this is not necessarily true. Even men have boundaries and things that make them comfortable or uncomfortable, and even men need to be warmed up. Therefore a successful seduction occurs when you escalate on yourself as much as on her. Seduction is a journey that you are leading her on, but one that you are still experiencing yourself along the way.

Calibration

Calibration simply means adjusting your escalation in response to her and the surrounding situation. If she communicates excitement and arousal (through her body or her words or both), then you calibrate

57 by escalating things more aggressively and intensely. If she communicates discomfort or hesitation, then you calibrate by dialing down the intensity and going slower. And calibration also depends on the situation you are in with her. If you are alone with her in your bedroom, the amount of escalation— especially physical escalation—that you can do is different than if you are in a busy restaurant. Just like escalation generally, calibration is best understood as something that you allow to happen, rather than something you make happen. The fuel that pushes this process forward is your own testosterone and natural desires as a man12. And the process is guided by your intelligence and knowledge as a mature, responsible adult. But for the most part it is a process that unfolds and takes care of itself, as if your body is on autopilot.

Anticipation

Remembering that sex is primarily emotional and psychological for women helps us understand the power of anticipation. Salespeople and advertisers use anticipation to get potential customers hungrier and hungrier for their product. They understand that emotions have power, and people often purchase not based on logical analysis, but on how they feel in that moment. When it comes to women and sex, emotions are not just a major feature, but a central one.

So anticipation is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal for amping the feelings and therefore sexual desire. Anticipation creates all kinds of feelings, from desire to excitement to nervousness to wonder to curiosity.

You create anticipation by doing lots of stuff and sharing lots of experiences and activities, and generally building up to whatever is next (a kiss, taking her back to your place, sex).

Anticipation in conversation occurs when you pause or speak slowly and gradually. Even saying something as simple as “guess what...” or “you know something funny...” creates a little anticipation. Women generally don’t like it when a guy moves too fast or too directly. They like some anticipation, expectation and mystery before the final “reveal.” At least that is when they enjoy it the most. Anticipation comes from the balance between hesitation and assertiveness. Too much assertiveness, moving too fast, and she gets overwhelmed. Too much hesitation, moving too slow, and she gets bored. It’s a balancing act between being too aggressive and to-the-point, and being too wishy-washy and indecisive.

As with other things, the difference mostly comes from your mindset and overall attitude. A guy with a strong frame and powerful mindset can delay the kiss... and delay... and delay... and it will just build a crazy amount of anticipation and sexual tension. Whereas another guy who is delaying in a similar fashion, but who is doing so because he is nervous and unsure of himself, actually does not create anticipation, but rather awkwardness and discomfort and actually kills any romantic feeling.

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58 The effective guy who delays is “effective” because he is acting with genuineness and integrity and congruence. The other guy is ineffective because he is delaying for the wrong reasons. He is not delaying because he really wants to, but because he doesn’t know what to do, or he is unsure of himself, or is afraid of rejection.

Your escalation and calibration skills will reach their peak when you fully internalize your masculinity, outcome independence, leadership and presence in the moment. But it will take time and experience for that internalization to occur. In the meantime, you can begin making progress by practicing the specific tactics and techniques that have been outlined here.

Female pleasure

Sex is enjoyable for men much more often than it is for women. The problem for women is that men are the initiators of sex and seduction, but the female body is more complex than the male. So men have an advantage when it comes to sexual pleasure. As a man who wants to be more sexually powerful, and able to lead women on a sexual adventure consistently, you should learn about the female sexual response and experiment with different techniques to give your woman or women pleasure. This goes beyond the scope of this book, but keep in mind these general principles.

You should be paying attention to her all the way through the seduction, from the beginning to the end, including and especially in bed. Welcome her feedback and encourage her (through your attitude, nonverbal communication, and even your words) to share her preferences, likes and dislikes. The fact that you are able to have an adult conversation about sex and pleasure alone will speak volumes as to the kind of man you are.

Be open-minded. Be playful. Celebrate her sexuality to let it come out fully. Realize that, although it may be counterintuitive, what feels good to you may not necessarily feel good to her. Sex, like seduction as a whole, is a give-and-take process. You are two different bodies with different histories, physiologies and preferences. Don’t assume that if she does not like something, it is a referendum on your manhood. In all likelihood, it has nothing to do with you. In fact, other men before you have probably had as hard a time if not harder (no pun intended) pleasuring her, because the vast majority of men are not very skilled in bed. However, by opening yourself up, listening to her, and being willing to work with her for mutual benefit, you will be the man who captures her imagination.

Take a genuine curiosity in her pleasure, what turns her on and the unique sexual chemistry the two of you will create.

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~IV~

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