While it may appear that Kayla is simply embodying the wider cultural disposition to be economically self-reliant, the reality is far more complex than this. Kayla may
75 aspire to independence and autonomy, but her aspirations are not forged in social isolation. Like any value or goal, her desires are embedded in a social context of interpersonal relations and connectedness. Mason (2004) notes that theories of individualisation tend to build a picture of „individualised actors and selves‟ in which people‟s connectivity to others remains invisible or where understandings of identities and agency as relational are undermined. Kayla‟s story highlights the way in which interpersonal relations impact the cultural goal of economic self-reliance in
participants‟ everyday lives. For example, the limits to independence Kayla describes are not only material ones. One of the greatest perceived impediments to her self- reliance is a relational one: her parents. Reflecting on difficult financial times, Kayla reveals that it was:
„… really depressing, completely depressing…feeling dependent is horrible. Because the times when I haven‟t had money, and I‟ve actually wanted something, my parents would supply the money for me. And I hated that. I know people would think „oh how selfish‟ and you know, „ungracious‟ and everything. But for them to be giving me money now just is pointless because I feel that they didn‟t give me what I needed when I was younger, and that they‟re trying to make up for it now. And like, if they‟d given me what I needed when I was younger, I wouldn‟t be in the position where I would need their help now. And so it really makes me mad.‟
Bellah et al. found that the family strengthens the significance of self –reliance as the „cardinal virtue‟ of modern individuals. That is, one of the primary tasks of
individuals is to be „finding oneself‟ through „autonomous self-reliance‟ that involves separating oneself from family and the traditions of the past (Bellah et al. 1996: 163). Kayla takes seriously this sense of responsibility and the need to take care of herself:
„And also because they [parents] have always helped me out in a tight jam, I‟ve never taken responsibility. And, it‟s a really important thing to have in this day and age. You know, to be responsible and be able to take care of yourself if things happen, instead of always ringing up mum and dad. And so I don‟t like being in those positions.‟
76 In addition, Wolfe (1989) notes that individualism and its relation to the economy is significantly associated with the functions of the modern family. Moral and
economic autonomy is evident in many aspects of family life, including relationships between parents, children and grandchildren. He notes that far more than previously there is a greater melding of the moral code of the market with the intimate sphere of society (Wolfe 1989: 54-60). Kayla expresses her moral autonomy and self-reliance in terms of her ability to earn her own money and in turn be financially and
relationally independent of her parents:
„I had to [go back to work]. I just had a few bills, I worked really hard at keeping my bills down. Which meant that [son] missed out on a lot of things. And you know it would‟ve made me feel worse, so be so full of debt, because there‟s nothing I can do about it. So it‟s worked out so much better. Financially, it‟s a domino effect. Like financially I‟m much better, emotionally I was feeling on top of the world because I could get all these things, we could do these things, and I didn‟t have to be reliant on my parents. And so I could spend less time with them, which is really good! And
every time dad and I would have a coffee, he‟d always shout [pay for the
coffee]. And I‟d try and shout like, „no, I‟ll get it, I‟ll get it‟, and he‟d be
like „no, no, no‟. And that would make me feel like, poor? So I didn‟t like that either.‟
Ultimately for Kayla, life is her „own life‟ (Beck and Beck-Gernsheim 2001: 24). The „problem‟ of her family‟s financial assistance reflects her feelings of failure to make ends meet – her own ends meet. Unlike Jessica, Kayla‟s family do not represent a welcomed support network or safety-net through which she and her son can live a better life. Nor does money serve to strengthen her kinship ties to her family. However, money does serve to manage ties of intimacy in Kayla‟s life (Zelizer 1994). Money represents an attempt at intimacy by her parents that she refuses to accept: in her mind, a form of „guilt‟ money for a lost or damaged
childhood. Ironically, it is this money that makes her feel all the more „poor‟ for it‟s receiving; money that strips her of self-motivated decision-making and the goal of economic independence. To reclaim these qualities and take control of the relationship she has with her parents, Kayla must earn money her own way.
77 To return to the wider argument about money, a traditional view of money meanings proposes there is „one‟ type of money, an „all-purpose money‟, always fungible or interchangeable (Zelizer 1989: 343). Kayla‟s struggle to redefine money as her own is a clear example of Zelizer‟s claim that there is no single or unified money. Rather, there are multiple kinds of money, each qualitatively distinct and earmarked in multiple ways for multiple uses and imbued with meanings arising from their social and cultural context. In other words, argues Zelizer, „not all dollars are equal‟ (Zelizer 1989: 347).
It is clear that in Kayla‟s case, „not all dollars are equal‟. If so, money received from her parents would be as useful and valued as money self-earned. The meanings Kayla ascribes to money are subjective: they are embedded in a cultural context where economic self-reliance is highly prized as well as a relational context where money handouts, from her parents in particular, are deeply resented. In this context, financial support from her parents is an unacceptable replacement for financial self- reliance, and invokes a defensive response:
„…My dad‟s idea of getting me a computer would be… well he wanted to get me a second hand government computer which only had notepad on it. And so I just went, no, I don‟t want to do that. If I get one, I‟m gonna get it brand new, I‟m gonna get it with everything on there. Because I don‟t want, your shit! [laughs]. I don‟t want your second-hand stuff! I don‟t want you thinking of me as being someone who needs second hand stuff. I don‟t like that!‟
Thus, money is not merely a tool of the market; and in subjective meanings nor are all dollars equal: this much is clear by Kayla‟s determination toward economic self- reliance through earning her own money as a means to escape from her parents emotionally and historically weighted „guilt‟ money.