D5-T26 Step one in the process. Step one in the process of Speed Seduction®, the process of seducing someone, or application of any of these skills. The opener.
We talked about this a moment or two ago when I gave you a summary in that all I am talking about here is just maybe, the first 15, 30, 60 seconds. You just are finding a way to start a conversation with somebody and have a conversation—if only for a few minutes, or only for a few seconds really—just to get started. Now I can't stress enough to how so much of step one is really about the frame and really about your state of mind.
Now I know if you look back on that diagram that we created about your conscious and subconscious mind, Ok, sort of the mind map if you will... Remember, you see how important is things are your frame of mind your state of mind in that look, if you are having trouble with that in on this then just meet people and do not worry about the outcome. Meaning try to get through step one with a bunch of
people, and do not worry about steps 2, 3, 4.
Look, there is so much going on when you walk up to somebody, because again, think about it. Their conscious mind is only thinking about one thing, Ok. It's "single tasking". But their subconscious is picking up so many things on so many levels. You know the example I keep coming back to—some
guys are like well... "how can she determine your state of mind or what your intent... and all that sort
of stuff, I mean, I am just walking up, I have not said anything yet, how is she going to know ? "
Well, again, the example I keep coming up with is, you know what it is like when somebody walks up to you on the street, you know the difference in the way you feel when the person walks up and you just get that sense that that person wants something, maybe they are homeless, they're asking for handout. And it's not that they are dressed in certain way or whatever. Its just, you just kind of know, you kinda know "hey, do have some spare change, " Before they open their mouth, you just get that feeling, and you know they want something. As opposed to somebody who might walk up and they might look the same way in a lot of respects, and they walk up and, you know, they are probably going to ask for directions. Or they are probably going to ask you about, where did you get that item that's in your shopping cart or something like that.
You are able to perceive on a lot of levels, her subconscious is able to perceive on a lot of levels. So if you just walk up comfortably and calmly and use something as an opener, you have a pretty good shot. Now, with step one, all I am talking about is 15 seconds to maybe a minute. That's all. See a lot of you guys—it is not step one you are worried about, it's really step two, and we will get to that in a moment. But step one is just engage her in conversation for that brief period of time.
Now look, step one can be walking up and asking somebody for the time. Now wait a minute, I know that once you do that there might not be very many places to go. There might not be a lot you can do with that, after-the-fact, but it is an effective way to start a conversation. Again, I am giving you an overall structure guys, then we will look at what works and kinda what doesn't within it So, step one, is
basically an opener. A way to start a conversation.
D5-T27 When it comes to meeting somebody or meeting a woman in this context, I have pretty much taken step one and given you four different ways that you can do it. I am going to go through them briefly and then give you a little more detail. Ok?
The first is what I call "the interested opener". You know where you walk up and you say, "you are absently stunning", or "I really wanted to meet you", or something like that. You're pretty much laying it right on the line that you are interested.
The second is "the opinion opener". The basis for talking to her is that you are going to ask her opinion or ask for a question.
The third is "the social opener", where you just go up and in a social context—this tends to be best to parties or get togethers. (It -) But you go up, and in the pretext of the just being a social context, you are going up to meet and introduce yourself.
And the fourth is what I call an "innocuous opener". That is where your opening, and you're kind of opening indirectly, and it works really well, because it is a very low key approach, your kind of slipping in under the radar. I will get to that and a minute.
But those are the four major ways, the interested opener, opinion, social, innocuous.
Now let us talk about each.
D5-T28 The interested opener is what a lot of guys think of when they really think of what they would like to be able to do in the application of these skills. To have that power to see somebody and you just found her so interesting, so fascinating, and you walk up and you go, "you know, I saw you from over there, and I told myself. I really wanted to meet you, and just to find out what kind of person you are on the inside. ".
Or you walk up and you say "you know what, pardon me for interrupting but you are so absolutely
stunning. That I really wanted to take the chance to meet you". That sort of a low key thing, where you
are showing interest. You are setting it fourth right from the start that you are interested in the person, that you have interest in them and you know, you are not meeting them to ask about their car. You are not talking about something in the checkout line. You are not just saying the "hi, welcome to this meeting or welcome to this charity... ". No. You are walking up, and right from the start, you are
putting it on the table that you are interested.
D5-T29 Now, a lot of the guys who are "naturals", this is what they do. Whether it be due to their words or their actions or a combination of both—I know some guys that are really slick and really smooth with women, and they will walk up and they may just say the words "hi, how are you doing". But the way they do it and the way they look at the woman, they putting across the thing right off that "hey, I am interested". And that is fine, but you know what, you have to have the energy and belief in
yourself—and the frame of mind—that you can walk up and do that sort of thing and be comfortable,
and be able to follow it up with a good step two. It's OK to state your interest, but be aware of the fact that, what's happening?
When you walk up instep one—and this is a general comment about any aspect of step one application—
D5-T30 Step one, a woman is quickly trying to make an assessment of you and figure out who you are. Meaning, are you somebody she wants to talk to? Doesn't want to talk to? Someone she should fear? Or feel safe around? Someone she should have some sort of... interest in?
And, sometimes a snap judgment will work in your favor. Like if you are a pretty good-looking guy, or you're close to her "type", she... it may be easy to route yourself into a categorization that is going to be favorable. . •. •
Meaning, again, remember how we talked about—see you're going to see how this all starts to integrate guys—remember how we talked about... The subconscious thinks in terms of roles, and how it tends to have certain role structures? You know, putting people into categories or roles, putting situations into categories, ok? It tends to work in that fashion.
When you walk up and start talking to a woman, her subconscious is trying to analyze what's going on, and to feed her signals, should it be one of fear, runaway, should it be one of interest, should it be one of curiosity? Is this guy a potential friend? Lover? Psychopath? You know, she is trying to assess who and what you are. Now if this snap judgment works in your favor, great. If the snap judgment's not going to work in your favor, you may want to avoid the snap judgment.
D5-T31 The thing about using some of these opener approaches is that you have to be aware of where
the snap judgment is going to take you. If you are reasonably good-looking guy who, and her situation in
terms of her attractiveness, her age, her social status etc., is such that you have a pretty good chance of a snap judgment by her working in your favor in... than the snap judgment is fine. And you can go up and present yourself as somebody who is interested in her and a romantic or seductive way, and get away with it. Ok, but...
You know, if you are a 40-year-old guy and trying to walk up to a 25-year-old woman, walking up and going "hi, I really wanted to be you... ", is going to set off too many bells and whistles. Now, the reason I point out this example of a 40-year-old guy and a 25-year-old woman is that the snap judgments tend to be something that's not going to work in your favor. Ok? And I am using the example of the ages—not is not because it is all that bad or what ever—it's just an example. Because it is a very distinct way to quantify a phenomenon. And the phenomenon being that it's an age. It's a number. And if she is looking at your age being 40 and her being 25, their tends to be snap judgments that would be associated with that and one of them is "I do not want t o . . . I am not interested in this guy", or, "if he is trying to hit on me, then he like a letch or a perv or whatever". Now this is a snap judgment that happens guys.
D5-T32 So, if the snap judgment is not going to work in your favor then don 7 go for the snap judgment. And the thing with some of these openers is that some of them are going to lend themselves more to snap judgments than others. So it's important for you to be aware of that in your selection of what kind of opener you may want to use. I know some guys that are in their forties, and they have to be very careful. If they walk up to a woman and go "you, are absolutely stunning... ", well obviously, you are setting forth—right from the start—that you're interested. That is fine. But, if she is way different from you in age, or social status, or whatever, you are going to snap the line. Ok? Now, that same guy if he takes a more low-key approach, maybe he asks her opinion on something, maybe he is just social and saying high and talking, or maybe he is innocuous, and just starts making general comments in her vicinity, and then goes into a conversation with her based on that, that guy can kind of "get in under the radar", spend some time with her, get her to be more comfortable, get her to see him in different ways, and then he will have a chance. This is very important.
D5-T33 So getting back to the aspect of this "interested" opener—it can work. You have to be very calm with your intent, very comfortable with your intent, if you try to do an interested
opener—conveying interest right at the start—and your energy is wrong, or you feel nervous about it, it's very difficult to pull it off. It's extremely difficult to pull it off. That's reality. Because, you are really stating it—your putting it right out in front of you—right out there guys in front of you, and saying "I am interested in you. ".
Now, are their cases, where you can do it with some nervousness and have it work? Yeah. You know, if she is a right kind of woman, she will think that is cute or whatever, or be flattered by the fact that you are putting that much energy into it and pushing through the nervousness. Maybe, but as a general case to pull off an interested opener, you need to be pretty calm. And you need to b e . . . have a very good energy and be very relaxed. But it can work and it tends to work better, if you are pretty close to, at least roughly close to being her type where the snap judgment isn't going to hurt you all that much.
D5-T34 Another opener at that works tremendously well for a lot of guys is the opinion opener. Now
there are some guys that say "do not ask a woman a question. " Look, you can ask somebody's opinion, and do in a good way. Look, so many guys are so caught up in not wanting to appear like a wimp or not
wanting to supplicate or whatever, that they go way too far to the other extreme.
Look, if I walk up to a woman and go "excuse me. Can I had your opinion on this", yeah, not good. But if I walk up to a woman in a mall and say "you know what,... can you help me with something, I need to buy a gift for friend of mine, and I'm really looking for somebody's opinion that has a good eye for fashion. Do you have a minute?" Hey, you're being honest, conveying it very low key, you know, you give them and a little bit of credit. Maybe she is dressed nicely or something like that and in some way, you are giving her a complement on her... You know... her style, in terms of clothes, and things like that. Ok? That's fine.
Ask their opinion. It is a great way to do it. "Excuse me, can I get your opinion with something? Can I get your opinion on something?" You can walk up to a group of women and say "you know what, pardon me ladies, I was talking to some guys over there I really want to get the opinion of some females on something, so can I ask your opinion?" I mean, everybody wants to feel important and feel like their opinion matters! And, again, this is one of those ones that, depending upon how you deliver it can have an effect. If you are like "I need your opinion... " you know, not good. But, again, very low key, you can ask somebody's opinion without conveying that you are bowing down to them or worshiping them, and it is not necessarily that you are going to take their opinion as gospel or fact. You are just trying to find out their opinion. There is nothing wrong with that. It's an opener.
It is so easy to do that, really. 15, 30 seconds. Walk up to somebody, you know and go "excuse me, which of these two colors do you think is better?" Or if you are in a checkout line at Starbucks for anything go "hey, have you had any of these pastries, which one of these muffins is better, do like this one or that one?" Anything. It is an opener. Even if they say "yes", and shut up, you still did it! Ok? And for some of you guys that haven't talked to somebody new in a while, or even some of the ones that have, hey—why not ask their opinion? It is a way to get things started. It is a way to at least get you through step one. You know, you can do it and still maintain your power as a man—for you guys are all worried about that sort of stuff. Ok? Just ask her opinion. And you get them talking.
D5-T35 Now, another option that I like in terms of step one is a "social opener", and this tends to work better... Remember, they are different ways to meet people in different situations where you can meet them, but the social opener tends to work better with a captive audience. Like if you are at a party or social gathering or something. I mean if you are on the street, and you walk up to somebody and say "hi my name is so-and-so... ", Well... Okay... but I am walking down the street, I am kind of busy right now.
But if you are at a party, if you are at an event, if you are at an art gallery opening or the bowling alley or a sporting event or a chamber of commerce meeting or anything that is just social, where there's people there, you walk up and say hi, and introduce yourself. Or "excuse me. I haven't seen you here before, what's your name?" It is an opener. That's all.
Step one is just have a minimal dialogue with her, 15 seconds, 45 seconds, maybe a minute. Just hello and some pleasantries to get things moving. It's really not that hard, ok? And again, a lot of you guys that are worried about this step—it's really step two you are worried about—we're getting there, we're
getting there we're building through all the steps, so bear with me.
So, go up, be social, say hello, or ask them their name or introduce yourself. That is fine. There is 15 seconds of dialogue right there as you say "hey, my name is Dave, what's your name? Ah, Sandy? Nice to meet you Sandy. " Hey, guess what I just spent 12 seconds. Ok, it's an option.
D5-T36 Another option here is what I called the "innocuous opener", and you know what, I love this. It is an effective way to just get something going. I love this in situations where... where it's random. Like let us say you are like in a checkout line, and you just start talking, and you are not really opening