Actividad sexual durante el embarazo y después del parto

Estos padres muestran una gran necesidad y una gran urgencia por tener relaciones sexuales “pase lo que pase” incluso si la esposa no está cómoda con la idea ya sea físicamente o psíquicamente. El hecho de que la esposa no quiera o no pueda tener relaciones sexuales con ellos durante el embarazo o durante las seis semanas postparto en las que las relaciones sexuales están prohibidas por orden médica es algo que ellos no entienden, que no comparten y que les causa gran frustración y enfado. Este hecho les parece un obstáculo que deben superar a toda costa, como si no pudieran vivir sin sexo. Es como si estos hombres siempre estuvieran dispuestos a tener relaciones sexuales y sólo esperasen el visto bueno de la esposa para actuar y obtener satisfacción. Sienten que deben continuar teniendo relaciones sexuales aún cuando la esposa esté embarazada y luego de haber dado a luz sin tener en cuenta otros condicionantes, como por ejemplo, que las esposas tengan deseo o no de tener relaciones

sexuales con ellos, que se encuentren mal físicamente, ya sea por los síntomas propios del embarazo (náuseas, vómitos, dolores musculares, retención de líquidos, peso extra…) o por las molestias propias del postparto (desgarros, puntos de sutura, inflamaciones…) y cuanso esto no ocurre, aparte de sentirse frustrados y enfadados, se resignan a la idea pero a disgusto. En el fondo ellos no quisieran que las cosas fuesen de esta manera, por el contrario, preferirían que la esposa los complaciera todo el tiempo, posiblemente porque consideran que esa es una de sus obligaciones, y que tuvieran relaciones sexuales con ellos incluso a disgusto. Al darse cuenta que esto no ocurre, estos padres, además de resignarse a disgusto, se sienten obligados a ser comprensivos con sus esposas, aunque en el fondo no desearían serlo tanto y desearían reclamarles abiertamente su malestar, enfado y frustración.

(…) And finally, I am sure it will be easy to convince her that as a guy, wanting sex will NOT be an issue. (…) (Damon, Jul, 2006).

(…) I try to be understanding, as I am supposed to be, but it is hard, especailly to be waiting this long. (..) (Joshua)

En el siguiente ejemplo este padre muestra su enfado y frustración al haber tenido muy poca actividad sexual durante el embarazo y ninguna después del parto, y además, señala el poco interés que tenía la esposa en tener relaciones sexuales ni durante el embarazo ni después de haber dado a luz.

My wife wasn't terribly interested during her pregnancy. Only managed a couple of times during the 8 or so months we knew we were going to have a baby. Since the baby was born, nothing! He's three months old now. (…) (Tom).

En el siguiente ejemplo este padre resalta que sólo ha tenido relaciones sexuales con su esposa dos veces desde que nació su hija hace 5 meses.

(…) our sex life is shot right now. We've been intimate twice in 5 months which is a 180 for us. (…). (m57gonefishing).

Algunos utilizan como justificación y consuelo para su poca o nula actividad sexual el hecho de estar muy cansados y muy ocupados con el cuidado del bebé luego de que éste ha nacido.

(…) We're tired a lot and having to deal with him a lot. (…) (Tom).

(…) during her pregnancy. (…) she was more tired than usual so that cut into the action somewhat. Then during the birth, she had some tearing and an episiotomy. The Ob told

her to avoid sex completely for 6 weeks. That's been tough, but we've been kinda tired and distracted with the baby anyway. (…) (Kevin).

Otros creen que se debe a un miedo de la pareja a quedar embarazada nuevamente muy pronto.

(…) One thing to keep in mind is that new moms (and dads) can be nervous about sexual activity again for fear of having another baby too soon. I don't care how good your birth control method is, but the thought of another one can cool the mood really fast. Just something to consider. (…) (Scott).

(…) Like I said in a previous message, maybe the thought of getting pregnant again isn't really getting her excited. (…) (Scott).

En este ejemplo este padre resalta que la esposa no deja que se acerque a ella y utiliza la ironía para expresar su enfado y frustración. Además, resalta el hecho de que este padre está utilizando la bebida y la medicación como vía de escape.

Hahahahahahahaha...

My wife has a stick she takes to bed. If I get close she pokes me away.

When she got pregnant I said I'd stop drinking in support. Later I got a few hall passes. Now I drink daily to keep from killing her.

Hi doses of SSRIs will make you as flaccid as an overcooked noodle. Do it. And get cable. (Bruce)

En estos ejemplos resalta como son las esposas las que, en la visión de estos padres, tienen el control sobre si se tienen o no relaciones sexuales o como incluso lo utilizan como medio para vengarse del esposo o para amenazarlos.

All I know is, if I make any substantive comments, and she finds out, that I can just forget about it. So you're on your own. Good luck with the article. :-) (John)

(…) yes you can have sex in the first trimester. All the way through to month 9 if all is well and she's up for it! Good luck! (Craig II)

I suppose it is possible, but my wife who is pregnant, does not seem the least bit interested in it right now. (Rob)

You can have sex during any trimester. The question is, will you... (Tom)

There has been no facts that having sex with your pregnant wife during any of the mesters has any effect on the baby. I couldn't get past it though! (Mike)

I can't help but chuckle because for me and my wife I was the one worried about this, and my wife actually told me at one point that there would be no sex during the pregnancy and

the six weeks after birth and then another two months after that because she was going back on birth control! Thank God she didn't stick to that! (…)

(…)get it while you can as long as she's willing because once the baby comes you have to wait six weeks by doctor's orders,(…) (Adam)

Algunos de estos padres expresan sus preocupaciones, dudas, creencias y miedos o los de sus esposas, algunos de ellos infundados, sobre la posibilidad de hacer daño al bebé si tienen relaciones sexuales con sus esposas durante el embarazo. Por ejemplo, que el sexo oral está contraindicado durante el embarazo porque puede producir que entren burbujas de aire y le causen daño al bebé o que luego de la semana 36 del embarazo se deben tener relaciones sexuales con preservativo porque puede entrar semen y causar daño al bebé o al saco amniótico.

My wife was concerned about whether or not we would be able to have sex during the first tri-mester. I have no idea so I figured I would turn to you all. Please help. (Wayne)

Let's see - we were told that sex is fine. I've read (not sure how true this is) that oral sex (male on female) is discouraged during pregnancy. Something about (don't laugh) air being blown into the woman, and it causing something bad with the baby. Ask your Dr about this one. For the most part, the biggest problem with sex during pregnancy is the getting over the mental idea that you two are not alone anymore. Dr say that sex is actually good for the baby, who will enjoy the feel of your partners contractions during orgasm. Also, sex during pregnancy (during the later stage) has been known to help induce labor.

Hope this aint too much info! (Shannon)

There is always a concern with oral sex and air being introduced internally. Its about putting a air bubble in the body. I think the risk is greater during pregnancy because of the body down there being more 'open' with the changes happening. The term 'blow job' is really a bad term. (Roger)

I would like to add to Shannons E-mail by saying that Yes a womans orgasm does cause contractions wich will help at the end of pregnancy to dialate the cervix. Also semen will cause the womans body to produce Oxytocin which cause contractions (stronger contractions that is) as well as dialate (natures way of letting the semen in). My research has shown me that Sex after 36 weeks should be done with a condom since at this time it is common for a woman to be dialated at least 1 cm. The semen can cause issues with the baby or even the amniotic sac. And keep one thing in mind unless the baby has "Crowned" your intercourse will not reach the Baby's head. (Paul).

Algunos por su parte intentan rebatir esas creencias infundadas y animan a los otros a superarlas, algunos narrando sus propias experiencias positivas, otros utilizando el humor para bajar la tensión y para ofrecer explicaciones divertidas de por qué tener relaciones sexuales durante el embarazo no hace daño al bebé.

Quite honestly, the amount of air introduced into the vagina required to cause an air embolus is quite great ands you would have to be doing it purposefully to cause any problems. My wife and I had sex all through our pregnancy, up to and including the day she went into labor. We had oral sex until positioning became problematic due to her belly. Enjoy sex during your pregnancy! I certainly did. (Sam)

Yep, that's what everyone told us too--our little girl was still a week late, not for lack of trying to induce labor on our own, haw haw.

Related thought: your post reminded me of a news story I read about a pharmacy that was broken into and the thieves stole all the... Oxytocin. I think they were aiming for Oxycontin (sp?). Imagine their disappointment.

I'd suggest searching the web for "sex during pregnancy", but I imagine you might get more than an eyeful. :-P (John)

A TV show I saw once summed it up pretty good. Think of your wife like a house. The baby is in the living room. As long as the garage door is open you can park in it as much as you want. Your car in the garage is not going to have any effect on the baby in the living room. (Chuck)

Y algún otro intenta aportar cierto realismo a través de la descripción de su propia experiencia.

Anyway, yes you can safely have sex during the entire pregnancy as long as your wife isn't having a high risk pregnancy. Just keep in mind, that like my wife was at first, she may be too uncomfortable in the beginning to think about sex. Also remember that the discomfort will increase, but fortunately so will her sex drive. In the second trimester and into the third trimester we were having sex on average at least once a week and sometimes more. (…) and that's saying nothing of how this little one will affect your individual libidos. (Adam).

Dentro de este panorama general, hay una minoría de padres que comentan que tuvieron mucha actividad sexual durante el embarazo, lo cual en general les sorprende porque es algo que no se esperaban.

En este ejemplo este padre resalta las diferencias individuales en este tema.

The first thing they say in all of the pregnancy "Manuals" is that you can have as much sex as either of you want to or are comfortable having. The only thing preventing this is if your OB/Dr. says you are a high-risk case for whatever reason. Quite honestly, My wife and I had tons of sex in the 10 months leading up to the birth of our baby. That having been said, every man and every woman in this situation are different physically, mentally, emotionally, so YMMV (your mileage may vary). (Sam)

A continuación un ejemplo donde este padre, además de señalar su sorpresa por la buena vida sexual que tuvo durante el embarazo, resalta que su esposa tenía un buen nivel de líbido y que se sentían liberados al no tener que preocuparse por utilizar métodos

anticonceptivos y eso al parecer les ayudó a disfrutar más de su vida sexual durante ese período. Además, señala lo duro que ha sido para él no tener relaciones sexuales por orden médica durante las seis semanas postparto y se consuela pensando que de igual manera están muy cansados y distraídos con el bebé. Lo que le da esperanza y le anima es la posibilidad de que su vida sexual vuelva a la normalidad luego de esas seis semanas, que el médico les levante el “castigo” impuesto.

Frankly I was surprised at how good our sex life was during her pregnancy. Although she was less interested during the first trimester, her libido came back and then some during the second tr. And it held up pretty well through the third tr., too. It was really nice not to have to think about birth control, too. However, she was more tired than usual so that cut into the action somewhat. Then during the birth, she had some tearing and an episiotomy. The Ob told her to avoid sex completely for 6 weeks. That's been tough, but we've been kinda tired and distracted with the baby anyway. We're both looking forward to her 6- week follow-up so we can get back into the swing of things. (Kevin).

Un tema que preocupa mucho a estos padres es cuánto tiempo después del parto retomarán su actividad sexual, específicamente, cuánto tiempo después de las seis semanas de prohibición por razones médicas podrán volver a tener relaciones sexuales con sus esposas.

En el siguiente ejemplo este padre pregunta explícitamente por este asunto y además señala que luego de dar a luz a su primer hijo su esposa no está para nada interesada en tener relaciones sexuales con él y que se distrae fácilmente cuando se acerca la posibilidad de hacerlo.

I'm just trying to get an idea of something. How soon after your firstborns arrived was it before you resumed sexual activity? Restrictions have been lifted by our doctor, but needless to say, my wife is not at all interested and very easily distracted if it even comes close to happening. (Adam)

La aportación anterior inicia un intercambio de mensajes muy interesante con diversas respuestas a la inquietud que presenta este padre. En general, resalta que ante el hecho de que pueden pasar varios meses después del parto antes de que retomen su actividad sexual con sus esposas, estos padres reaccionan mostrando pesimismo, frustración, enfado, rabia, decepción, tristeza, desánimo, sensación de injusticia y de pérdida, tensión, ansiedad, molestia, desagrado e incomodidad. Algunos padres utilizan el humor y la ironía para expresarlo.

Let me tell ya... My son was born back in May, and it is STILL a dry house. We came close a couple of times, but she said it was uncomfortable, so I stopped...that was months ago. (…) So, I do know how you feel. Wish I had some advice for you here, but I think I might be seeking some myself..lol (Joshua)

(…) I've found this whole thread to be very helpful - my wife is 7 months pregnant now and we're at probably 2 months since the last time we had sex.. and even then I think it was like once, and then a month before that. We've talked about it, but it still sucks. (…) (Alec). (…) for a guy, when you are not getting any, you get kind of depressed and mopey (sp?) and edgy, so I don't want my wife to have to put up with that either. (…) (Adam).

Once or twice since April. And only about twice during pregnancy. So, four times in the last twenty months. I know what I want for Christmas!

Still pregnant here, and earlier this week we hit the 2 month mark. It's actually more like 10 weeks since the one time 2 months ago came after 2 weeks of nothing. I do know how you feel. (…) (Richard).

(…) my wife is barely interested these days and honestly one of the biggest detriments I think has been that damn snoogle. I was all in support of it initially, and I know it makes her comfortable at night, but honestly we haven't barely touched more than a kiss before going to sleep since she got it. It gets way more action than I do. (…) (Alec)

Es interesante como para estos padres el tema de las relaciones sexuales es otro de los aspectos que estos hombres sienten que no controlan y el no poder hacerlo les molesta y les genera mucha frustración, les desagrada y les hace sentir incómodos porque sienten que no pueden hacer nada al respecto, que es algo que se les va de las manos. Además, se sienten desplazados por el bebé que es quien ahora recibe todas las atenciones de la esposa, el bebé pasa a ser el centro de todo, el hombre deja de ser el centro de las atenciones de la esposa, el bebé es alguien con quien deben competir.

While I agree that not giving the wife time to "get herself together" before trying to return her to her "sex slave" status is a bit , well, rude - there is also a deeper issue involved. Us guys like to know that we are in charge – we are the alpha male - and re-establishing our "usual" sexual behavior is a part of that. Not only is there a new face in the house, but it is demanding, needy, and takes center stage over anything that we do (and rightly so). (Shannon)

(…)I agree with those who said that this transition is difficult for men because we want to be "in control." I think that there is truth to that. We are used to having most of the power and sexual prowess that having it any other way is alien. We have to use our own development and breeding to rise above such a base instinct. (…) (Adam)

(…) now you will have an infant to contend with. (…) (Sam)

En este mensaje este padre muestra su enfado porque mientras el sí está muy interesado en retomar su actividad sexual, su esposa no lo está para nada, a ella le preocupa

más el bienestar del bebé. Esto además lo hace sentir desplazado por las atenciones, a su juicio excesivas, que la madre dirige al bebé.

(…) My wife and I are at six weeks now, and have been given the all clear, but still...nothing. She couldn't be less interested. For my part, I am of course very interested, and I thought something might happen last night, but just when I thought she might be into it, she would stop and say "is he okay?" Of course he was, but that's what I meant when I said "easily distracted." (…) (Adam).

Resalta como estos padres incluyen su vida sexual como uno de los aspectos más importantes dentro de aquellos aspectos que pueden cambiar de forma importante durante la etapa de transición a la paternidad, mostrando preocupación por lo desconocido y por el impacto que los cambios que implica ser padre por primera vez puedan tener en sus vidas. En este sentido, sienten miedo a que las cosas vayan a peor y que, por ejemplo, la falta de actividad sexual durante el embarazo y los primeros meses posteriores al nacimiento del primer hijo se mantenga así por un tiempo prolongado e incluso que se mantenga así para siempre.

Sometimes you have to get used to a different groove. I think my biggest fear is that our lives will change, and that these changes will be for worse (less sleep, especially at the start, altered responsibilities, more awareness of the finances, watching the pennies, less